The H Word || anna shumate//ag mcdaniel

9. 556

Anna's pov:

Ag and Mia leave in two days. 48 hours left with the person i just confessed my love to. 48 hours until i have to say goodbye to someone i won't be able to see for months. 556 miles away from the arms that feel like home. 8 hours and 20 minutes away from the laugh that brings me so much joy. I'm not really sure how to feel about it. It's bitter sweet- i want her to stay, but i know she can't. she has a life outside of me- friends and family she needs to get back to. I know i'll see her again soon. I know that these 48 hours will be special and full of so many memories. I just wish that we didn't have to say goodbye, but i'll see you when i get home.

***play song***

It's currently a raining day here. We're driving around town listening to music. The thoughts of being so far apart fills me with sadness. Is this whole distance thing worth it? Really worth it? Maybe i'm just second guessing myself and overthinking. I want to give her the world and all the love in it, but i don't know if i can. I don't know if what i can give is enough for her. What if she catches feelings for someone else that's there? Is it selfish of me to make her stay with me? When she can find happiness in someone else that's there even though it isn't me?

Ag's pov:
We've been driving around for about an hour now and Anna hasn't said much. I've been waiting for the sky to clear up so that i can find a rainbow. I would love to ask her to be my girlfriend- official girlfriend right next to a rainbow. I think it would be the most beautiful thing ever. I hope she's okay. I hold her hand and gently rub my thumb across hers hoping to comfort her. She still seems so distracted- giving half smiles and short responses. Mia is asleep in the back- she knows the plan on how i want to make it official.

Anna's pov:
I don't know if i can do this. I don't want to hurt her and i feel as if i will. The mix between my insecurities and overthinking start to convince me maybe we should just stay friends. friends that will be 556 miles apart in two days. friends that will be split apart from this distance. I've never felt so close but so far away from someone before. The sinking feeling in my heart increases every time she tries to make me smile. These negative thoughts of losing her to distance or someone else is starting to wear on me. I clench my jaw as small tears fall down my cheeks. I hide my face by looking out the window so she doesn't see the stream of tears falling down my face. The rain begins to stop and the car does as well. I quickly wipe my tears away as we park by a very bright rainbow. How do i tell her i don't think i can do this? How do i tell her i'm too scared this distance will pull us apart?

Ag's pov:

This is it. The rainbow is perfect, the sun is shining through the clouds perfectly. It's almost as beautiful as her. This moment will be the single most important memory i will remember. Making Anna mine for the whole world to know makes me so excited. Showing her off and giving her the world is something ive been waiting to do for a long long time. I get out of the car to open her door for her. I can tell something isnt right and that she isn't feeling like herself. I give her a warm hug.

"So i need to tell you something" we both said at the same time.

"you go first" i said

"no no you, mine can wait." she replied looking towards the ground

Anna's pov:
This is it. This is the moment i tell her i'm not sure i can't do this. that she deserves more than me. This is the moment i'll remember for a long time. I don't want it to end like this. What we have is so real but i'm so scared that i'll ruin it. That i'll be the reason why we won't work. That i'll be the reason that she's hurting. I cant do that to her.
She begins to tell me how much i mean to her, how much she cares and loves me.

"You Anna Shumate, You are one of the only people who have made me feel this way. You put the biggest smile on my face. You make me laugh the hardest. You make me want to be a better version of me. You make me want to just burst with happiness. You make me so happy. Thank you for being you, because with out you, i don't know where i would be. With out you, life wouldn't be the same. And i don't want that to change. So with that being said"

I knew in this moment, I would hurt her more than i would ever want to. That walking away from what we have will be the hardest thing i would ever do. 556 miles is too much. Facetime and interacting on tiktok won't be enough. for either of us. I won't be enough for her.

"Ag wait-" i said, interrupting her sentence before she could ask me.

"I cant. I just can't do this-" 

"wait what? what do you mean you can't do this?" Ag looked at me with tears forming in her eyes.

"This distance. We have two days left. and then 556 miles that separate us. What if you find someone who makes you feel everything that i can't?" i ask as tears flood my eyes.

"I can't hurt you- I'm just going to hurt you. I don't want to do that. You deserve more than what I can give. You deserve someone who's there, someone who's going to be able to hold you when you're sad, someone who's able to make constant memories with you, together. Someone who can drive to your house at 2 in the morning to sneak out and star gaze- someone that can do everything i can't. someone who isn't 556 miles away" I continued as my voice hitched. The tears cascaded down my face as the rain began to pick back up, leaving both of us soaked in the cold rain water.

"But I love you Anna- I thought that I made it really clear last night that You are who I want" She said as she walked closer to me.

"If you didn't want this or me why didn't you say so? If this isn't worth it to you why didn't you say something? I would have understood, Anna-"

"Ag stop-" I said as i tried to hold her hands to calm her down

"No Anna, If i'm not what you want, I hope you find someone you do truly want. I'm sorry that it isn't me. But i'm not just gonna stand around and listen to you make excuses on why we won't work. Because you and i both know damn well that we would. You and I both know damn well that we would be almost perfect together." Ag clenched her jaw while visibly trying to stop the tears from falling down her rosy cheeks. 

Ag's pov:
I  cant believe that this is happening. She's slipping through my fingers as we speak but the frustration and sadness took over my body. I dropped the keys on the ground and began to walk away from Anna and the car. Mia walked out and yelled at me to come back. I ignored it and continued to walk away.

I needed to clear my head.