Love never dies

Chapter 17 : why does she love me ?

Raoul's POV

It's been a day and all I did was drink . Drink away my sorrow and pathetic self . Why am I like this ? Damn that demon . Came into our life again convincing Christine to sing for him again . Ah damn it I just need another drink .

" one more " I told the bartender .
" Ah buddy , don't you think you had enough ? It's practically morning already . "
Just give me the drink damn it
" One more I said ! "

" alright alright . " the bartender poured me another drink .
" My shift is over anyway, so let's settle the bill, okay? Jeez, you're in a bad way ain't you? Worse than most that end up here . Here's the morning shift, maybe he'll know what to do with you . "
the bartender walks away and the guy for another shift came .

Yes, what to do with me ? That's the question, isn't it? That's always been the question . Ever since the beginning . My mind wondered off to Christine . Oh Christine ..

She looks for sympathy , I give her sorrow . She asks for honesty , I've none to borrow . She needs my tender kiss . She begs it off me . I give her ugliness . Why does she love me?

She yearns for higher things .Things I can't give her .The rush that music brings . I can't deliver . And even when she sings and soars above me . I try to clip her wings . Why does she love me?

All I ever did was shut her out . Always went out drinking never spending time and showing my love to her . I never allow her to sing when I know she loves singing but i just can't , it reminds me of the night in that Man's lair . She actually kissed him , it must have meant something . She must have felt something for him .  And Gustave , my son . I ignored him every chance I get . He asked for my love and I never gave him , always shutting him out and getting on my nerve on him when he did nothing wrong . What have I become ? This is not the guy Christine wants . I need another drink maybe that will help .

" One more drink, sir .That's what I need
Don't you think, sir? "
the bartender ignores me .
" Did you hear me? Another drink . "
he shook his head and sigh then he poured me another drink .

She wants the man I was . Husband and father
At least, she thinks she does , she needn't bother . Beneath this mask I wear , there's nothing of me . Just horror, shame, despair .
Why does she love me ?

" How 'bout you, sir? Tell me what am I to do, sir? " I asked him and he walks away . Then Meg came into the bar , asking the bartender for coffee . She saw me and said

" Vicomte ? Fancy meeting you here "
" Miss Giry. " I smiled
" drowning your sorrow are you ? "
" On the contrary and celebrating a reunion with old friends . Friends whom I long thought dead and buried . " I replied her .
" and you ? " I asked
" Me ? I just came for a swim . This town is coarse and cold and mean . It's hard to keep your conscience clean . Faceless in the crowd . Anything's allowed . And so I come at dawn each day . Come to wash it all away . Sink into the sea . Blue and cool and kind . Let it set me free . Let the past unwind . Leave the hurt behind "
she looks depressed 
" Miss giry ... "
I tried to go to her and comfort her

" What do you think will happen Vicomte, at the concert? Have you thought? When he hears her sing again...when she sings... "
I don't know anymore , Christine wants to sing I cannot try to clip her wings again .
" Ah, Miss Giry, I wish I knew, but I'm afraid her music has always been somewhat of a mystery to me. " it is a mystery . Why does it have to be that Man she sings for ?

" But there's more to this than the music, monsieur! Believe me! I saw it! There's something I...I don't know! Just take her away! Now! For all our sakes." What is she talking about ? More to what ? "

" What do you mean? What are you talking about!? " I asked in rage .
" Trust me, monsieur! Don't let her sing!
One he gets into her soul, there's nothing she won't do for him. Leave this place behind . "

" Miss Giry! He's not Mephistopheles you know! When it comes down to it, he's just another circus freak. I'm not afraid of him! "
all this nonsense talking . I don't believe he's actually here . But the thought of him is getting on my nerve . I need another drink .