Fandom Imagines!!

Anxiety - Alex Standall(13RW)

  This is going to be based on my form of anxiety. Everyone has a different experience but this is based more around how I feel. Tell your friends and family you love them <3.

 Also this timeline is probably way off but oh welllll

Word Count: 1766

   School was finally out. This week was hell so far, and it was only Wednesday. You were heading to Monet's to meet Alex. You had been dating for around 5 months. You were part of the FML pact, and after Alex and Jessica recovered from their breakup(thanks to the list), he asked you out soon after. You've been going strong ever since.

   You order 2 hot chocolates since you both have made it through the entire menu, and choose a table to sit at. As soon as the warm liquid passes your lips you feel your body relax ever so slightly. You sigh and put in your headphones to listen to music, rubbing your head. Trying to focus your thoughts on what's in front of you and currently around you. Trying to focus on anything else besides the demons running through your mind. You continue to sip your drink while the music fills your ears.  You're about halfway through your cup when the chair in front of you is dragged back enough for the person to slide into it.

   "Hey (Y/N)." Alex leans across the table and places a quick kiss on your lips before settling into his chair with his drink. You take your headphones out and wrap them up before putting them back in your bag and turning your attention to Alex.

   "How was your day?"

   He shrugs. "It was alright. Still sorting through everything after the accident ya know? But the leg's improving so that's always positive." 

   You smile and nod. "Absolutely. I'm still proud of you ya know. For recovering."

   He smiles. "Thanks. Zach's been helping a lot. What about you? How was YOUR day?"

   You hesitate a bit. Honestly or comfort...?  "It was...good." Comfort...

   "Are you sure?" He scans your face, trying to figure out if you're lying or not. 

   You smile and nod. "Yeah. I'm alright." 

   He nods, still not fully believing it. "Alright. If you're sure. Anyway," He pulls out a notebook for one of his classes. "You wanna go over notes for Science?"

   You and Alex work on homework together at Monet's until dinner time when you both head home. He gives you a kiss before he goes and says he'll see you tomorrow at school. Your parents had already eaten and left your food on the stove. You see the meal waiting for you, but walk past the kitchen up to your room and close the door. You had no appetite, the stress starting to build up inside more than what was healthy. You collapse on your bed, put your headphones in again, and put on your sad playlist. Your eyes close, allowing the music to be your only focus. The tears come slowly at first until you're silently sobbing. You're a burden. 

   You didn't open up well to anyone. It was always your friends and family first. Your problems, you felt, weren't as important compared to what other people were going through. So you took on the job of being the outlet for your friends. Someone they could vent to or talk to about anything. You'd do any and everything for them that you could, even if it meant changing plans. But, because you didn't open up well, you pushed your emotions and problems down, letting them build up. Nobody cares about you. You're just in their way until they need something. If you needed them they wouldn't be there. We know that...

   Hannah died 8 and a half months ago. You spent the entire time making sure everyone else on the tapes were okay. Tony was one of your best friends, someone you met when you first moved to this town 4 years ago who could read you like an open book. So you listened to them together, helping each other through them. But you weren't on the tapes. You were a silent character in her story. Her death ruined you, but you never got to grieve in the same way the others did. You were more focused on how they were, not the other way around. Even when Alex would ask if you were okay, you'd brush him off and say you were fine, not wanting to sound like you were in as bad a place as the others. I mean, you weren't even on the tapes! But that didn't mean you didn't blame yourself partly. She's dead because of you. You could've saved her. If you'd only texted her one more time. Or called her. It's your fault...