So show me I'll show you

Chapter 16 - Worship

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Feeling the uneasy silence in the room after the screams and grunts from the video on Jimin's laptop, Taehyung had a deep sense of foreboding. He never imagined in his wildest dreams that he would be in this position, utterly ashamed of his past in front of the love of his life and soulmate.

Taehyung was never like that before...like that person on the video. Hoseok reached the deepest part of his soul and mind back then, not intending it on purpose, of course. He wanted to understand and help Taehyung cure his anxiety and lack of self-esteem. He wanted Taehyung not to be ashamed of his sexual desires and needs, accepting that he was gay, that he was shy and weird in a way, but so creative, sensual, silly, and energetic and that this is not a bad thing.

Taehyung always had moods and different personalities, but not in the way where the one will take control over the other, but more likely just help the conscious mind. Hoseok needed someone like him to observe, to learn from, and Taehyung needed him to help him figure out himself.

No matter how close he and Jimin are, he was never able to understand that dark part of him. Yes, Jimin was always sweet, caring, soft, friendly, but he was also naughty, flirty, thinking of sex too often, utterly shameful, and weirdly shy at the same time. He would persuade you to jerk in front of him, dirty words spilling from his mouth, but he would feel bashful and giggly at the same time. Jimin had his insecurities, but they weren't so deep as Taehyung's.

Taehyung fought stereotypes his entire life of people calling him weird and alien. Truth to be told, his ''alien'' personality was the first one that came. He was really shy and quiet before, laughing only with his closest family. He didn't have any friends until ''alien'' came. He made him brave and loud, giving him the craziest ideas and bringing the kids to like him more. He was known as the weird kid with interesting ideas. One of his teachers told him that he doesn't know if he is a genius or an idiot. Taehyung cried so much that day on his way home. His grandmother was furious when she heard, going straight to the school principal and made a huge fight with that teacher. Taehyung got a sarcastic apology, which didn't do much to him, he still felt like shit.

Even though children acknowledged him and sometimes even played with him, Taehyung was mostly alone with his books. He loves to read and to make up stories he would tell his grandmother. She was his first and biggest fan and a critique.

As he grew, he started noticing that he felt nothing towards the girls, but that his eyes linger on boys. His hometown wasn't a good place for a young gay boy, so he kept his mouth shut. His grandmother knew, however, she was observant and she told him that he is perfect just the way he is and that people should love whomever they chose. She also warned him to keep it a secret for time being, as children and some people would not understand that and be mean. Taehyung didn't quite understand the difference since they were already mean towards him, but he heeds her warning and kept his silence.

That's when the ''smart'' personality came, making him more serious and careful. It was more for keeping the ''alien'' personality in control than helping Taehyung himself, but Taehyung was grateful for it. It helped him to get through high-school without any problem. It was around the same time that his third and the last personality came, the ''passionate'' one, which was responsible for the severe contamination of his once pure thoughts, into pure filth.

Taehyung's natural curiosity was prompted by the alien and the passion, which provoked his internet search history to be cleaned often by the fire and bleach, as the smart one put it. The sexual need and weird thinking in the same combination were too much at times, as his two personalities got along pretty well. His studious, and a bit prude one was disgusted and often scolded him for allowing the other two to fill his brain with filth, making him feel ashamed. That war between them made serious confusion in Taehyung's head until he finally managed to step up and take the reins, sort of speak.