Anesthetized Woman. (Burnt Skies Series #1)

12

Dahil sa sinabi niya sa akin ay mas lalo akong hindi natahimik hanggang sa padating namin sa condo unit. Pagkatapos niyang magwash ng body ay gumawa siya agad ng kape niya. I wonder why he's like this. Hindi na ko nagsasalita dahil baka mas lalo pa siyang mainis at madagdagan pa ang kung anu man ang ginawa ko na ikinagagalit niya. I want to talk to him kaya ako na kusang lumalapit and then paglumapit naman ako bigla siyang lalayo. Hinayaan ko muna siyang magmuni muni gamit ang laptop niya, then i would talk to him after kong kumain. Dahil tulad niya busy din ako ha sa kdrama nga lang.

I saw how he closed his laptop and leaned on his swivel chair. He closed his eyes and from what i'm seeing, he is resting. Pumasok ako ng dahan dahan sa office room niya ditu sa condo. Pagpasok ko sa room ay napapikit na lang ako..nakalimutan kong dalhin yung ginawa kong sandwich for him para hindi siya magutom kakatrabaho ditu sa room niya. Lutang ka ghorl. 

Palabas na ulit sana ako ng room nang biglang may nagsara ng pinto, nakita ko ang kamay ni trevin na nakaharang sa may taas ng doorknob. Ayaw kong humarap dahil nahihiya ako sa kaniya ,pumasok ba naman ako ng palihim sa kwarto niya. 

" What do you need? why are you here?" he asked while my back is still tuned on him. 

"Uhm...nothing naligaw lang ako." i said with my shaking voice, natatakot ako sa tono ng pagsasalita niya. 

"Really? you've been living here for like 3 weeks and you're just lost?" he whispered.

Hinarap ko siya dahil naiinis na ko, bakit ba ako natatakot sa mokong na to? Pagkaharap ko sa kaniya ay kitang-kita ko yung pagkairita niya sa mukha. Kahit na mediyo madilim ditu sa room na toh ay kita ko parin naman ng maayos ang gwapo niyang mukha sa tulong ng lampshade sa may gilid ng bookshelve niya dito.

" Fuck it, let's talk about kung bakit hindi mo ko kinikibo, 'cause you're keep messing with my head. Kanina ko pa iniisip kung anong kasalanan ko sa iyo. Kaninang umaga masaya ka naman, tapos bigla ka na lang nagtampo na parang bata-" he stopped me from talking dahil bigla niyang hinawakan ang batok ko at nagsalita.

"Rant to me like that. I like the sound of it, I like your voice... I like your mouth." he whispered while his eyes were staring straight to my eyes.

"Stop it Trevin, i'm serious when i said that you keep messing with my head. Hindi ako makapagtrabaho ng maayos dahil iniisip ko mali ko, letse ka." i said. 

"You keep confusing me babe." he said. 

He kissed my forehead. Siguro naman bati na kami kaya hindi ko napigilang ngumiti ng bahagya, my man's back . Sakin nga ba? , i don't like the idea of him with other girls. I don't show it but i think i kinda liked him.

"I'm mad, but then you smile at me, somehow..it hurts a little less. " he said while hugging me . Kissing the top of my head.

" Pwede na ba kong matulog?" i asked out of nowhere. He laughed and i laughed too, he's back.

"Let's go sleep then hon." he answered, letting me go in his arms. 

Gosh i like him so much. He's the only man who knows what i've really been through all these years. I'm so happy to be with him.  I know i'm a cold person outside but i'm more than happy, i'm grateful. Pagkatapos ng dramahan namin sa office room ay naligo ako at nagpalit na ng pantulog. It's already 11pm and maaga pa kami bukas so we did some little chitchats before really going to sleep.

"I want to tell you a short story, i wonder if you're gonna listen hon." he said while we're laying in bed next to each other.

"Go on." i said ,showing no interest but i'm going to listen anyways.

" I want you to analyze it very clearly. I want Zahra to listen to me not that Zahra , the one who doesn't easily trust anyone around her." he said.

I nodded at him without any hesitations. He really knows me huh.

"Okay hon, i'm starting then." he said.

Inayos niya yung higa niya at tumagilid paharap sa akin saka ako niyakap sa tagiliran ko, binaon niya ang noo niya sa gilid ng leeg ko dahil nakahiga lang ako ng diretso. I didn't move and he started talking. 

" There's a young lady, sitting close to the stream , gazing at her own reflection on the flowing water, conversing with  herself... "she smiles, i cry. she's well disposed, i'm timid. she adores, i am alone. she's amazing , i am unknown. she's gorgeous , i'm a mess. she's warm, i am cold. she's glad  , i'm depressed...My mask is perfect , she hides me.".. the young lady said while looking up at the night sky with the tears flowing down her face. " he stopped speaking. 

I looked at Trevin's face with so much confusion on my face. Why would he say that?. He also looked up to see my face. His hands reached for my cheeks, to wipe my tears. I didn't notice that i was crying. Trevin conveys to me very deeply and i understand that through the story he told. Trevin knows what road i've taking ever since that incident ten years ago. I want him to know that he's like my diary. I suddenly missed my bestfriend. Prim, i wonder how is she.  Trevin kissed my lips. And with that kiss i suddenly wanted to tell him my journey , the fucking hell i've been through because of my them. 

"I just wanted to be loved by him like what he used . I just wanted our relationship to last. I am exhausted for the past 10 years because of what happened. Wala akong pinagsabihan dahil ayaw kong makasagabal yung peoblema ko sa kanila. I want to change myself, but I myself, isn't cooperating either. I'm confused between . My mind keep telling me to end it, to end this road i'm taking. My mind keep telling me to stop this silent war , i'm fighting but i'm tired. I don't want my family to worry , i don't want my bestfriend to get caught up with my burning desire to kill myself. I know this may sound exaggerated to others but this is what i've been through Trevin, napapagod akong matakot na magmahal ulit. " i wholeheartedly said , staring at the ceiling while my tears keep streaming down on my face.

He kissed my temple. He kissed my drenched tears . I feel like he's sorry because he wasn't there beside me for the past years of me suffering. Being with him now makes my soul rests. This is my spot, beside him. I liked him not because he's showing it but because he made me feel it. I couldn't stop myself from crying, feeling ko ngayon lang ako nakahiga ulit ng maluwag. Gusto kong maubos itong luha na palagi kong tinatago sa harap ng maraming tao. I keep showing everyone my cold and icy personality , i want them to think that i'm a strong person but the truth is that , i'm tired. 

 Trevin's hug really comforts me. I don't want him to let me go. If the God's gonna stop the time right now, i would really appreciate that but it's impossible, i know. My loud cries become soft, sa paghikbi ko na lang idinaan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. 

Nararamdaman kong  tinatamaan na ko ng antok sabay nun ang pagyakap ng mahigpit sa akin ni Trevin. He reached for my lips and kissed me passionately, i kissed back because i need it, i need him. Halos sa kaniya na ako kumukuha ng lakas kahit hindi niya alam. After our passionate kiss , he made me take a deep breath at nagsalita , sa mga salita niyang iyon ako kumalma.

"When you're tired, get some rest. When you're feeling down , go ahead and cry. It's always fine to take a break, hon." 

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