My therapist. ~irwin~

4. funeral.

[+.+]
I remember not long ago, Jane and I were talking about the future and how old we would get and how we talked about how exactly we want our funerals to be and we laughed at how we would tell the oldies that they are next. I miss her already.

I've written down everything Jane wanted at her funeral, I know she would have wanted me to do this and it hurts to have to give plans of a funeral to my bestfriends mother and she will probably glare at me or something but I dont care.

so here goes nothing. I get out of my car and look at my bestfriends parents house and walk up to the door and knock lightly. The mother opens it, her eyes blood shot and she has tishues in her hand.

-''Hey, Mrs D.'' I say. -''May I come in?'' I ask and she nods walking off to the living room and I follow after her clossing the door behind me.

-''What brought you here, dear?''She tries to smile but it fails misserable.

-'' I left a few things in Janes room and I just wanted to pick them up.'' I look at her.

she meets my gaze and sees that I'm desperate to get into Janes room and I'm hoping she wont refuse. I've known Janes mom for years, shes the nicest mum ever and I wouldnt blame her if she didnt let me go in her dead daughters room.

-''Go ahead.'' She says. -''I'll make some tea while your at it.'' She smiles a bit and walks over to me and I open my arms to pull her into an embrace.

she sobs quietly while I stroke her hair and rub her back. -''She is in a better place now.'' I whisper and she cries pulling away.

-''I guess you're right.'' she walks off into the kitchen.

I hurry up stairs and push open Janes room. Its always been so mesy so I try not to touch allot of things, so I open my big bag flower bag and look around.

Her diary. I'm taking what I need and what will remind me of her.

I look around and see all the pictures of us. I have all of these ones so they can stay here. I open her wardrobe and look at everything. I grab her favorite jumper that I bought for her and my dress I let her borrow.

I open the draw of her bed side table and find her ipod, I grab it and the charger and put in my pocket. I grab the music box from the night stand and open it sitting on her bed. I lay down placing it on the pillow and sob quietly wishing for her to be here with me right now and for all of this to be a dream.

-''Lia.'' I cant bear to look at her mother right now, she is probably just feeling worse than I am but I miss her so god damn much that it hurts. Janes mum sits on the edge of the bed and rubs my back, she stucks a piece of hair behind my ear and smiles. -''Jane would have wanted us to be happy.'' tears roll down her cheek and I nod getting up to hug her.

After minutes of sobbing and hugging Janes mum, I pull away and close the music box,Rubbing my thumb over the top of its lid.

-''If you really want, you can take the music box.'' she says. I look at her and shake my head.

-''I couldnt, she told me.'' I pause. -''she told me, you gave it to her on her 16th birthday and that her grandmother gave it you on your 16th birthday.'' I sniff.

-''That is right but I wont have the grandchildren for her to give it to.'' she wipes her eyes. -''But you can, Lia.'' she smiles. -''You and Jane are like sisters and you are of the family.'' she grabs gently onto my shoulder. -''She would have gave it to you anyway. Jane told me she wasnt planning on having kids anyway.'' She sighs.

-''I know.'' I say. -''Thank you.'' I wipe my tears and she hugs me again.

-''So, we better get to the kitchen. Our tea will be cold.'' she gets up and leaves the room me following behind. When we reach the kitchen she sits at the table and I do, pulling out papers. She frowns but smiles.-''What is that?'' she asks.

I dont want to talk about it much so I pass her the papers and sigh. -''Me and Jane talked about funerals and old people.'' I pause taking a sip of the hot tea. -''She told me what she would like the funeral to be like.'' I look at her and smile at her, I can see Janes dark green eyes in her mothers and her nose. -''I thought we were just joking around about what we would want at our funerals but I didnt know she would.'' i pause because I havent got the guts to say it.

-''You two planned her funeral?'' she looks at me in disgust.

-''It wasnt like that.'' I say. -''I planned it two but only for a joke and I swear, Jane never told me that she got bullied at school or even out side the school.'' I say trying to knock some sence into this woman.

-''You both planned your funeral? well didnt you think that maybe she was giving you a hint on why she wanted to plan her funeral?'' she says hysterically. -''Where were you when she was getting bullied? Huh? to busy with your boyfriend to even notice that your best friend had depression? to busy trying to get everyone to like you? Where were you when my baby was swallowing those pills?'' She asks angry at me of course.

Tears roll down my cheeks and I wipe them. -''We planned them for fun okay? and I am no reading mind person. I didnt know what was going on in her mind. I have beg her to tell me many times but she refused so I respected that.'' I pause wiping my tears once again. -''I was always by her side, she was getting black mailed by people or something, they would send her bad notes and I told her to forget about them but she was too sensitive and well by the way, I was waiting for her to show up at my house when she was swallowing those pills..''I pause for a moment to think about what I will say will probably ruin the relationship I have with my best friends mum. -''Where were you when she was? werent you supposed to bring her?'' I snap.

-''How dare you speak to me like that!'' She shouts. -''get out of my house, Lia!'' she gets up fro the table.

-''Fine!'' I say grabbing my bag and leave the kitchen. I hear a smashed and dont know whether to go back and see if she is okay or not. I do because of Jane. I poke my head through the door way and look at her and the mug she smashed on the floor.

-''Didnt I tell you to get out?'' she shouts and I'm out of there before you can say Esteban Julio Ricardo Montayo Delarosa Ramirez.

I get into y car and drive a few blocks down and stop pulling my phone out. I see my wallpaper and start to sob.

{-''Hey Lia, take a picture of me next to Shirly.'' Jane says.

-''Ugh... that means I have to get up.'' I pause. -''And who the hell is shirly?'' I walk over to her and see her standing next to a camel. -''Really?'' I say pulling out my phone.

She giggles. -''This is shirly the camel, Shirly, this is Lia, she is very grumpy so dont take any notice of her.'' She says smiling.

I take a photo her and smile at the picture of her and the camel shirly.}

(HEY GUISEEE! the last part was like a mini flash back ;) hope you are liking the story so far, carry on reading and vote, comment whatever x)