My therapist. ~irwin~

6. Block out.

[+.+]
I put the last of my t-shirts in my case and check the time.

Well its time, I'm finally going to leave here and as far as I've planned, I'm never coming back. I smile looking around and look at the time grabbing my last case and carry it down stairs.

Mum is making me sandwiches even though I asked for her not to.

-"Mum, I need to go." I groan waiting.

-"I'm coming." She chimes walking around grabbing things in the kitchen. -"Have you got everything?" She asks.

I stand in the kitchen door way staring at her. -"Yes." I nod.

-"Okay... Did you say goodbye to your friends?" She questions not looking at me.

-"I did, yesterday." I mumble.

-"What about Mrs D?" She stops to look at me, I turn around and walk away.
Plopping down on the stairs I wait for my mum to hurry up so I can leave.

-"Lia." She stops in front of me and I half smile getting up.

She pulls me into a tight embrace. -"I'll miss you, mum." I sob.

-"You know where to find me, Honey." She taps my back gently.

-''Bye mum.'' I say opening the door. -''Come visit soon.'' I mumble pulling my bags to the car.

-''I love you, Dear.'' She waves.

-''I know mum, I love you too.'' I half smile and get in the car and sit there for a few minutes closing my eyes.

this is what I want, to go away and move on, its what she would have done. I'm going away and moving on and never coming back to this place until I have.

I open my eyes and give the house one last look at smile.

-''Michael, I know you are here. I heard you get in the car.'' I huff.

Michael laughs and gets out of the back and jumps in the front.

-''Do you have to leave? why not do college here.'' he looks at me and I can tell by his look he is being serious about this.

-''I'm leaving for her, Michael. its what she would have done too.'' I sigh. -''You can always visit me.'' I smile.

-''I will, not too soon because college will start but I will come and see you, talk on the phone and that.'' he smiles.

-''Yeah.'' I say. -'' I see you have died your hair another colour.'' i chuckle.

-''Yeah, I think green really suits me.'' he laughs ruffling his hair. -''I'm going to miss you, Lia.''

i pull him over to hug him. -''you know where to find me.'' I sniff in his scent and relax.

He pulls away smiling and pulls something out of his pocket. -''here, to remember me.'' He passes me something and drops it in my hand.

Its a key ring you can hang where ever you want. I look and smile, Its a photo of the three of us, me, Jane and him on my birthday.

-''thank you.'' I smile.

-''keep safe, Amelia.'' he mocks.

-'' See ya, Michael Gordon.'' I laugh watching him get out of the car. I turn on the engine and start driving off. I look in the mirror and watch how Michael gets smaller and smaller until he disappears.

well goodbye.

...

Jane, I don't know what to do. I've been living in this house for 2 months and I cant move on, it doesn't help the fact I'm always alone, i don't even know this place, no one wants to my friend that's for sure.. I mean yeah, who would want to be friends with someone who cant move on from her best friends death.

I wish you were here instead of mum, I wish she didn't nag me about how I need to get out because maybe I don't want to get out, maybe I wont get out and meet new people. Maybe i'll just buy a cat, call it Hurricane and live with it until I die.

I miss you so much and its so hard to move on from you and I just want to see you again. I look at myself in the mirror and try push back my thoughts, I open the cabinet and grab the pills for headaches and close the cabinet, maybe if I take a small overdose i'll be able to see her. I close the door locking it and looking at myself in the mirror. No harm can be done, right?

I swallow the pills, only a couple and sit on the floor as I hear the foot steps of my mother coming.

-''Lia? you in there?'' She knocks. I make no noise at all and start to feel extremely heavy.

-''Lia, Open this door right now!'' she demands. -''You are not leaving or going anywhere, you hear me?'' she says sounding quite angry and upset.

I start to sob quietly. -''I'm sorry, mum.'' I mumble quietly.

-''Right, thats it, Amelia!'' I hear her foots steps and A bang on the door, she is trying to get in, I try open it but I feel to weak to get up. So i just lay there until I black out but its happening extremely slow.

the door is busted open and my mum comes running in. -''Amelia, stay with me, okay? what have you taken?'' she looks around. -''Shit, Lia.'' She grabs her phone, holding the bottle of pills. -''How many did you take?'' she shakes me. -''Stay with me okay.'' She says calmly.

mum is going through this calmly because dad did the same, he had gambling and drinking problems and when my mum locked him away in his room to help him as she is a doctor herself but my dad couldn't take it anymore, so he killed himself. he took to many pills and so that no one know that he did that, he jumped out of the window.

I wish he wouldn't have done that because he put mum in a really horrible situation and she felt so alone and I was only 15 to actually try comfort her when I was going through the same and its happening again and I dint know if I will be able to go through it anymore.

my eyes feel extremely heavy and I can no longer keep them open.