My therapist. ~irwin~

24. Change of plans.

I get out of my car and lock it, walking towards the stupid building, I enter the automatic doors and stand there for a few seconds.

Theres no going back, no backing up. I'm ready for this, I know I am.

-"Lia?" Ashton stares at me. Not meeting his gaze, I freeze. Shit, shit, shit, shit. I'm not ready, what do I do? Okay, if I turn around slowly, he will think I'm not here.

Turning around slowly I go to move forward but my face hits the glass window next to the automatic door.

-"Fuck." I curse walking out. I changed my mind, I'm not ready.
I walk to my car as fast as I can so Ashton doesn't come up with something that will make me blurt out everything at the wrong time.

-"Lia!" Ashton says clearly out of breath. God he is right behind me, if I can find my keys now I think I'll be able to lock him and drive away.

I pull out my keys, not looking around, my keys slip out of my hand, I quickly pick them up and look at Ashton who has already caught up with me.
I carry on walking, reaching my car, I turn around and look at him.

-"Stop following me." I say.

-"Why are you here?" He says, a hand going through his messy hair.

-"I... I came to fill in some papers." I lie.

-"C'mon Lia, I'm your therapist, I know when you lie." He raises his eyebrow.

-"Its none of your business." I cross my arms.

-"Fine, are you coming back to therapy?" He asks.

-"No." I frown.

-"Well good because I wont be here." He says and my heart sinks.

-"Did you get fired?" I ask.

-"No." He shakes his head. -"I'm moving." He says.

My heart sinks even more. -"Oh, well good luck." I say.

-"Thanks." He smiles. -"Lia.." He sighs watching me get in my car. -"I don't think we would have worked."

-"How come?" I ask without thinking.

-"Because I'm your therapist, Its not acceptable." He pauses. -"I'm sorry I bothered you and I hope you are happy." He smiles. -"Oh and carry on writing in this." He pulls out the journal I thought I would never see again.

I sigh grabbing the leather thing and put it on the seat next to me. I nod looking at him, he waves walking off without a goodbye. Maybe because he has said goodbye too many times and it as never been true.

I feel myself ache all over, I've been clean with everything far too long to give up. I did this to myself, I need to suck it up and accept the fact he is leaving.

-"Fuck you!" I hit the steering wheel making it go off.
...
I get into my place, closing the door and throwing off my shoes.
I seriously cant deal with this anymore.
Grabbing the journal, and walking into the kitchen, I open the bottle of wine and grab a wine glass. Walking back into the living I plop onto the couch.

~23rd February~

Well look, I never thought I would see this stupid thing again.
Well I guess instead of writing to the diary, I should write to Ashton who is going to live in new york.
Fucking new york, in america. Like geez, I know New York is beautiful but I mean London, just looking at it.
Why New York? Why not liverpool? Why not some where closer?
God I love that man and he is living.
I wonder when he is leaving. I will probably cringe when I read this in the morning, I've had 3 glasses of wine and feeling care free. Maybe just a tad tipsy.

Ashton you cant leave me, I'm not trying ti string you along, or even Luke but it seems like I'm searching for happiness and I found it, I think. But its leaving me and now I'm going to be miserable again.
Who am I kidding? I have no friends but I can make friends, cool friends.
I don't need you, you can go to new york and leave me because I dint care.
A melia.

Stupid Ashton. Lets call stupid Ashton and see what he is doing and when he is leaving.
-"Pick up, asshole." I laugh. -"Yeah, Ashton." I say.

-"Lia? Are you okay?" His voice sounds sleepy from the other side.

-"Hii." I giggle. -"S-Sorry, wine makes me bubbly." I giggle again.

-"Lia, I think you need to sleep, you have work in the morning." He replies.

-"C'mooon party poppeer." I laugh. -"Have some fun, Ashton." I pout.

-"Lia, its midnight." He pauses. -"Where did you go after we spoke?" He asks.

-"I went to buy some food and wine." I say. -"mainly wine." I giggle.

-"Right." He says and I can imagine him nodding.

I gulp some more wine down. -"You know I thinn yo are so handsome." I take another gulp. -"I love your smile, and your messy hair, You have a nice butt." I pronounce the T. -"Oh yeah, I call you to ask when are ya leaving?" I stand up, my legs feeling like jelly.
I try to walk in a straight line, falling over and knocking some things over.

-"Lia, what was that noise? are you okay? Are you hurt?" He worries.

-"I just try to get some more wine from the kitchen but fell over." I laugh looking at the photo frames that have fallen.

-"Lia." Theres a deep sigh. -"Go to bed."

-"Shit." I slur. -"Does red whine come out of a cream carpet?" I scratch my head.

-"Right, thats it, Lia. I'm going to bed." He says.

-"Dont go." I whine. -"Just wait till I get up stairs. I might fall down and die." I laugh.

-"Thats not funny, Lia." He sighs. -"Now get to bed." He bosses me around.

-" you dont care about me anyway." I huff.

-"Lia, I will always care about you, even if not together or even if we are far far away from eachother." He sighs.

-"I need to get up first anyway.." I try stand up but end up falling onto the side table making all glass objects and frames fall.

-"Shit, what was that?" He asks.

-"A whole of glass shit my mom got for me, I think they are broken." I slur not being able to see as my vision is all a blur.

-"Okay, did you get a cut?" He asks.

-"I'm not sure, I think it might be res whine or a tiny bit of blood." I squint wanting to see.

-"Right, I'll be over to help you in 5." He says, I hear ruffling about. -"Just stay where you are and be careful."

He hangs up and I huff. All these emotions are mixing with me and I think I've had to much wine.
I look at the almost empty wine bottle and laugh.

Theres a knock at the door and I laugh again. That was quick, I wonder how far away his apartment his, like its gotta be close if that him now.
I groan getting up, while walking into a few thing. I manage to get to the door and open it.

-"Lia!" My mother says. -"Glad to... Are you drunk?" She asks.

-"I thought you were Ashton." I giggle. -"I think I am." I squint looking at her. -" do you want some red whine?" I offer giggling. -"Its the whine I swear." I laugh. -"I'm not on drugs."

-"Right! Amelia, bed time for you." She sounds angry but I don't care.

-"The party was just getting started." I look at her, she is still standing in the hall way.

Theres a gentle knock at the door and my heart flutter because I know who it is.

Hey guisse, I'm so sorry how late this is. For the people in england anyway.. Bc its like 1 in the morning here.. Anyways I'm sorry I posted so late. I meant to post earlier but I was having a bad day and I just kinda Isolated myself for the whole day but anyways I'll make sure I dont post late anymore. ily all so much, thank you for reading. You guys are the best.