Jesse's Girl (COMPLETE)

Chapter 31

* Catherine *

As we sat on the side of the road, Jesse was holding my hand and squeezing it so tightly that it felt like he was afraid if he let go I'd disappear.

Why did I find it so damn hard to stay mad at him?

Maybe it was because he had been so considerate to me these last four weeks. Maybe it was because he recognised his mistakes and owned them, it didn't excuse his behaviour but it was a step in the right direction and least. Or maybe it was because he was so sweet and fun or maybe it was because I thoroughly enjoyed seeing his cheeky smile first thing every morning.

Or maybe...

Just maybe...

I was starting to develop feelings for him.

This sudden realisation felt like a kick to the chest. It felt like all of the air inside my lungs was suddenly getting squeezed from my body. I tried to suck in deep breath after deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down but it felt like nothing was making its way to my lungs.

*** Flashback ***

It had been three months since Joe died.

Ninety two days since I saw his beautiful smile or held is warm hand in my own.

Two thousand two hundred and eight minutes since I said my final, heart wrenching goodbye to the boy who owned my heart.

One hundred and thirty two thousand four hundred and eighty seconds since my world fell apart completely.

Three whole months since I vowed to never return to the golden beaches that held so many memories, some wonderful, others too painful to think about, yet here I was.

Before Joe died, his only wish was that his remains be spread over the ocean waves. Joe had said that floating peacefully on his board as the sun beamed down on his skin always bought him a blissful peace, a peace that he struggled to find on land and after his death he wanted to be returned to the one place he felt truely at home.

Now that Joe's mum was finally sober enough to be able to spread his ashes over the waters edge we were all to meet at Point Lookout, Joe's favourite surfing spot.

As we pulled up at the Point's carpark I glanced over at my brother Christian. My dad had originally planned to make this trip with me, after all he had loved Joe as if he were his own and he wanted to pay his respects and say his own personal goodbye. However last night dad got a call, there had been some kind of emergency at work and he had to return straight away, thankfully Christian stepped up and came with me.

Looking back towards the ocean I noticed Maddox and Chase and a couple of Joe's other friends all standing with Joe's mum and another older man I assumed to be the officiant. Deciding that if I didn't get out of the car at that moment I never would, so after taking a few deep, shaky breathes I finally stepped outside.

The smell of the salty ocean air and the sounds of the waves gently lapping at the shore was like a slap to the face. I felt my legs tremble and my chest start to ache but before I could turn around and run my brother placed a strong arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a calming hug.

'You can do this lil sis' he whispered.

'I can't Christian... I.. Just..' my words were muffled as I broke down into a sobbing mess, my tears drenching my brothers shirt. After awhile my brother slowly leaned back and tilted my face towards his.

'You can do this. For Joe, you can do this. I know for a fact that for that boy you would do anything' he smiled down at me before he gently guided me towards the group waiting on the damp sand of the sea shore.