Jesse's Girl (COMPLETE)

Chapter 41

* Jesse *

Fuck.

Holy fuck.

After climbing out of bed I had left Catherine alone in my room. I needed the space to try and calm my racing heart and mind. Which is how I found myself currently leaning against the wall in my hallway trying to get my thoughts together, trying to get the swirling chaotic mess into some sort of order so I could make sense of whatever the hell this last 24 hours had been.

What had happened between us this morning was fucking intense.

And no, it wasn't the little heated make out session that I was referring too, it was our conversation that had occurred after we had woken up.

Who knew words could have such a deeply intense effect on me, of all people.

I still couldn't quite believe I had promised her that I wouldn't so much as even look at another girl, that in itself was a big enough deal for me.

That revelation coupled with the few vague personal details she had shared with me had my mind twisted like it had never been before.

Not even after Sienna had cheated on me and then faked that damn pregnancy had my brain and heart been as confused as they were right now.

The whole time Catherine had allowed me to delve into her life my mind was practically screaming at me to ask the million dollar questions but for some strange reason I got the niggling feeling that if I did ask, than whatever the hell this thing was between us would be over quicker then it had started.

Closing my eyes as I continued to lean against the wall, I ran my fingers through my hair as I thought back to last night, replaying the words she had yelled at me through tear filled eyes.

Hearing her speak last night I knew she was just so...

So...

Broken.

Whilst I was standing there last night by that glistening little pond holding Catherine in my arms as I listened to her sob quietly into my chest, something cracked inside of me. The realisation had hit me deep. I knew I wasn't going to try and fix her. I knew I wasn't going to save her. I wasn't going to be her knight in shining armour that was going to swoop in and rescue her from whatever hell she seemed to battle.

No.

I wasn't going to do any of those things, in fact I didn't want to do any of those things.

Knowing her, knowing Catherine, I knew without a shadow of a doubt she would do all of that and more on her own, she would heal those wounds herself and that, that is what I wanted.

I wanted to be there by her side, holding her hand as she overcame those demons. I wanted to fight with her, not for her.

Otherwise this.. us... well it would never be anything more then two kids who ended up fucking.

Fuck.

Who the fuck am I?

What's wrong with two kids just fucking? That had always been more than enough for me in the past.

But not this time.

The more I thought about how much I felt myself changing these past four weeks the more settled I became. It was a weird sensation feeling the anger and unfairness of life that I had painfully held onto for so long slowly slip away when I was with her.

I knew that having Catherine in my life was going to be one hell of a ride.

A ride that I never wanted to get off.