She belongs with me

30

{Olivia}

I sigh as I stare at the ceiling. Caleb is fast asleep next to me. I can't fall asleep. It's three in the morning and I haven't closed my eyes for a second. I don't know why I came here. I just feel even more guilty about what I did.

'Olivia?' I hear a voice next to me mumble. 'Are you still awake?'

'I can't sleep,' I admit. Caleb turns to face me and sighs softly.

'Liv, you know you can talk to me, right?' he murmurs. 'Please, tell me what's going on.'

'I can't,' I whisper, feeling a lump forming in my throat. 'I'm scared you'll leave if I tell you.'

'Well, I can't promise anything,' Caleb says. 'But if you don't tell me what's wrong we'll never work.' It doesn't matter if I tell him. We're not going to work either way. When he finds out I've had sex with Liam, we're over. Before we even really started...

'I'm so sorry,' I whisper. 'I don't deserve you.' Caleb sighs and sits straight up, so he can lean against the headboard.

'I can make that decision for myself,' he says. 'Just... Stop pushing me away.' I sit down across from him and breathe deeply in and out.

'Before I tell you...' I mumble. 'Just know that I regret it and that it'll never happen again.' Caleb raises his eyebrows in confusion, but nods. I close my eyes for a second to mentally prepare myself for what's about to come.

'I've had sex with Liam,' I softly say, but quickly. It's better to get it out fast, right? When I look up to meet Calebs eyes, I can't place the emotion I see. He looks hurt, that's for sure.

'When?' he asks calmly.

'Before we met at the diner with Nora and Isaac,' I answer.

'That explains a lot,' Caleb murmurs. 'Why did you do it?' Caleb is calm, too calm. I don't know what's he's going to do, but it feels like it's just the calm before the storm.

'After my talk with Liam I was confused,' I begin to explain. 'When you left that evening, I woke up and just lied awake for the whole night, thinking about everything. I wasn't sure if I could let go of Liam since he's been a huge part of my life for the past two years. So the next day I went over to him to talk again because I wanted to sort things out. I just... I had to know if we could still have that spark and then it just... happened.' It feels even more stupid now I say it out loud, but it's the truth.

'You do realize you can't just keep two guys on a leash and expect them to follow you like some lost puppies?' Caleb asks me and I nod.

'You played with both of us!' Caleb hisses.

'I know!' I say, raking my hands through my hair. 'I know and I'm sorry, okay?!' Caleb laughs bitterly and shakes his head.

'I'm so sick of this,' he mumbles. 'I just...' He goes quiet and just shakes his head.

'Caleb, I know I shouldn't have done that,' I say to him.

'It's fine,' he murmurs. I raise my eyebrow in surprise. Is he serious?

'What?' I gasp, making sure I heard it right.

'It's fine,' Caleb repeats. 'You do what you gotta do. I just want nothing to do with you anymore.'

Ouch...

'I understand,' I whisper as I feel my heart break. I slowly get out of bed and get my clothes from the ground.

{Caleb}

I watch Olivia as she puts her jeans back on.

'You can keep it,' I say when she wants to take my hoodie off. She doesn't argue with me. She just nods. I know I shouldn't let her leave at this hour, but I can't do anything else. I just can't keep her here. I can't have her around me anymore.

'Take my car,' I mumble, tossing the keys towards her.

'No, it's fine,' Olivia mumbles. 'I'll walk.'

'Take it,' I say, this time more demanding. I don't want her to walk alone outside at night. 'I'll pick my car up tomorrow.'

'Thank you,' Olivia softly says and with that she leaves my room. When I hear the front door close I throw a pillow against the wall. It falls on the ground with a soft thud.

'Fuck!' I yell. Why am I so stupid? Why did I open myself up to her? Why did I get feelings for her?  A girl who already had a boyfriend. What did I expect? That she would actually choose me over someone she's been in love with for two years?

It's my own damn fault. If I'd just stayed away from her. If I just hadn't kissed her... I should've ran away the minute I started to develop feelings. I should know by now that I'm never someone's first choice. I never will be. I wasn't good enough for Camila and I'm not good enough for Olivia. I'm doomed. Doomed to be alone.

I was falling hard, so damn hard for Olivia. But I just fell even harder on the ground. I should've known it was too good to be true.

I wish I could just hate her. But I can't help but care about her. I still care if she gets home safely. Why do I always have a weak spot for women? It's the same with Camila. She's screwed me over so many times now and I still pick her up when she's drunk. It's always the women that break your heart.

I sigh as I lie back down and pull the covers on top of me. When I roll over I can smell Olivia's scent on the pillow, so I grab it and throw it from the bed. I don't want to be reminded of her right now. I just want to sleep and not wake up for the next week. I can't bare the thought that I have to face Olivia again someday.

(Sooo, did you expect that?😉)