~ Traitor ~

Chapter Twenty

Rae's POV

The England boys have all been back for about a month and I'd still hardly seen T. We speak every day on the phone but it just feels like I've not actually talked properly. I feel like I'm struggling to cope, as ridiculous as it sounds.

My birthday is next week and I don't want to do anything. The boys are badgering me to do something, but in all honesty my plans are to get ready, help them train via a call and then get straight back in bed and hang out with Marley.

I've also still not gone back to Anfield or the training ground. It sends my anxiety through the roof and T was supposed to be the first one to come with me.

Today, I was supposed to help the boys train but I was struggling to move with my injury - it still hurts from time to time and I knew the only thing that would make me feel better is talking to T, but I couldn't, because he's in a physio session.

"Rae, what are you doing about now?" Jordan asks as I pick up my phone.
"In bed. Planning training. Why?" I reply, knowing this couldn't possibly be good.
"I want you to come. You obviously can bring Marley and we all will stay right with you so you feel safe. I promise-"
"I-"
"Please? Just try it? We all miss you, loads."
"Ugh fine but you're bringing me home if not."
"Agreed."

I throw my hair up into a messy bun and some light make up before I head to the kitchen to feed Marley. As he pulls up, I help Marley into his harness and he jumps in the back of his car.

"They've ramped up the security a lot. It's safe Rae."
"It was supposed to safe then.." I replied, twisting the festival bang round and round my wrist.
"I know.."

I look down at my phone and T is wanting to FaceTime.
"Hi princess." He smiles before I can hear him getting ripped by the friend he'd made.
"Hi T."
"You busy? I can call you back later?"
"No.. they're making me go to training so I could probably do with you staying."
"Oh okay. I'm sure it'll be fine."
"Yeah.." Marley pokes his head through the bap in seats and looks almost directly at the phone. "Look Marley. It's dad." I smile and he barks. Coincidentally or not, it was adorable.

We pull up outside the main entrance and I kind of sit, frozen in the seat.
"Take as long as you need, I'll sit with you."
I nod, unable to speak. Having not prepared myself, it was really overwhelming to be sat here, when the last time I was here I ended up in hospital for however long.

I slowly got out and Marley stuck right next to me. We walked inside and we sat in the dining area.
"Do you want anything to eat?" Jord asks and I nod, still to proves that I was back here.
He gets up and goes towards where they were serving food. A couple of the guys turn up and do their own thing.

Virg and Mo walk in a come to sit with us. They didn't make a fuss or anything, just treated it as a normal day. I pass them my phone so they could see T who they talk to for a small while before he had to go.

"Have you decided on your birthday yet Rae?" Mo asks and I shake my head.
"I don't wanna do anything." I smile before stroking Marley.
"Oh come on, you have to celebrate."
"I just don't want to. I haven't for a couple of years and I just don't feel the need to."
"We do! It's your birthday and we all love you."
"I appreciate, I really do. I'm just missing him a lot, plus I'm still dealing with everything and I haven't celebrated it since I moved out with Joel. It just needs to be a normal day." He comes back with the food and puts the plate down in front of me and the guys get themselves something too.
"Quizzing you on your birthday?"
"Yeah." I reply quietly.
"I'll try get them to leave it out. We just want you to be happy Rae.. we want to spoil you because you deserve it."
"No I don't.." he sighs and admits defeat.

I carry out the rest of the session, almost in a numb state. I might sound pathetic and there is more problems to worry about in the world, but I just miss him so much, plus it's approaching closer to Joel's release from prison and I'm struggling to sleep, my anxieties through the roof and I just don't know what to do anymore.

Once I finally get home, a FaceTime comes through from T.
"What's wrong?" He asks as soon as I answer.
"What do you mean?" I reply, picking something on Netflix.
"All the boys are worried about you."
"I'm just having a bad day."
"What can I do?"
"There's not much you can do unfortunately. I'm just struggling a bit. I'll be fine."
"How longs this been going on?"
"Since I found out Joel's getting out of prison soon."
"What?!"
"Yeah."
"Get security-"
"No. My house is safe I think. Got good walls and gates what only open to approved plates on cars. I've had unbreakable windows put in and the patio doors with the same glass."
"Do you need anything? Any money?"
"I can't take any money from you."
"Yes you can. Do you need anything?"
"Honestly, I'm fine as of right now. He's not out for a few weeks yet. I sold the house and I'm very careful about anyone knowing my new address."
"Can you go stay with my family or Jordan? Please?"
"No T. I'm not involving them, they don't need it."
"I-"
"T, no."