One Shot Collections

OS #32: I LOVE YOU, NOT.

The rain was pouring hard, and here we are- ending what we had started.

"Why? Why can't you love me? Why can't you love me back? Hindi ba talaga ako sapat? Bakit hindi ako? I have done anything, everything for you, Cat. Everything. I just can't understand this... I--- is this what you really want?"-

I lowered my gaze as I can't bear to see his crumpled face and crying eyes. I just can't.

"I know. And I'm sorry for that, Ten. Sorry pero hindi ko kayang turuan ang sarili kong mahalin ka. I don't want to make this relationship a joke.  "-

I bit my lips for saying all of that. Alam kong malaking sampal sa mukha niya iyon but I have to say it, I have to say all of these para hiindi na siya masaktan pa.

"I did everything for you pero hindi pa rin sapat. You think this is all a joke for me, Cat? I never thought of this as a joke. I love you."-

Napapikit ako ng mariin sa huling mga salitang binitawan niya.

I love to hear those words, but not from him.

"I'm sorry, I just don't want to pretend anymore Ten. Ayoko ng masaktan ka lalo. Ayoko nang paglaruan kung ano mang meron sa atin. I want to stop this."-

I saw his pain in his face. That pain that I gave him.

I am guilty.

I tried to love him, I tried hard.

But I just can't.

"Why? Siya pa rin ba?"-

I flinched. My silence is the answer. There's no way of telling lies now.

"Siya pa rin nga."-

He chuckled softly.

"I was there when he left you, I picked you up pero siya pa rin pala. Wala na talaga akong laban doon."-

I closed my eyes as his voice cracked while talking. I can't bear to see him crying like this.

"I'm sorry, Ten. I-i don't intend to hurt y--"-

"You hurted me enough, Cat. More than enough that now I woke up from the nightmare that I once thought a dream."-

He smiled at me but all I see is pain.

"Hindi kita pipilitin."-

Yumuko ako muli. I can't meet his eyes.

Hiyang hiya ako.

Guilty ako, oo.

But I really tried to love him-- pero ayoko ng lokohin ang sarili ko.

At siya.

"For the last time, I love you Catherine. In the count of three, I'll walk away from you. We'll try to fix and work this out if you'll stop me. Pero pag hindi- I'll stay away from you. Forever."-

I blinked and looked at him.

At his back.

"ONE"-

I stared as he started to walk away.

"B-but, we can still meet. We can still be friends, Te--"-

"WE CAN'T. S-sorry but I can't bear to see you again."-

Napatili akong muli. He hates me.

"I don't hate you, Cat. I hate myself for loving you so much that I can't hate you. But now, I just can't."-

He can really read me well.

"TWO."-

I don't want him to go.

I don't want to lose him.

But I don't want him to suffer anymore.

Cause I can't give him the love he deserves.

I have to let him go.

"THREE."-

And with that, he walked away.

Never bothered to look back at me.

And there, my tears fell.

I don't know what to feel.

Maybe, maybe sa huli pagsisisihan kong pinakawalan ka, but right now I can't love you...

I can't love him.

I can't love you because I'm still in love with him, my ex.

Your best friend.

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