Unspoken Truth

1:04 a.m.

It is so powerful how one conversation, one person, one mind, one side of him, can actually turn me into this mess.

I cannot concentrate.

You keep running in my head.

My hand keeps on pressing the message box.

My eyes keep on searching for your message.

My mind keep on wishing you would message me, saying that you feel the same way, too.

My heart keep aching and starving for your need despite the hurtful feeling you gave to me.

Why suddenly you change into this person?

How come the old you disappear so quick?

How come you treat me like this? Don't you know I am hurt? Don't you know I miss our conversation? Don't you know I miss seeing your words and photos of you? Don't you know I miss hearing your voice, speaking and singing to me? Don't you know you steal my heart? Don't you know I miss our deep conversation? Don't you know I am waiting for you to chat to me? Don't you know I am hurt and angry of your change? Don't you know I miss laughing at your picture and smiling myself to sleep?

What are you doing this late? Why you have not offline yet? Are you back to your ex? Are you finding someone new? Do you find someone who could replace me? Do you miss me like I miss you? Do you thinking of me every seconds like I do? Do you miss our conversation and want to start again too? Do you check our chat like I do, too? Do you really want to talk to me? Do you have the same feeling like me too? What am I to you? Am I even that important in your heart? 

Do you get angry or sad when I don't reply you? Do you really use me like what I think you do, too? Why did you give me mix signals? Why you treat me so close and special that it makes me doubt myself? Why suddenly you change into someone new? 

Why haven't you slept?

Why I can't get you out of my mind?

Why you make me miss you this bad?

Why I can't stop thinking of you and our good memories?

Why you appear in my life all of sudden, make me feel good, feel close, feel special, feel encourage, feel warm, and now you make me feel pain?

Why huh?

I wish you feel the same way, too. 

I wish you feel like I do.

I wish you dream of me tonight, and message me tomorrow morning, telling me you miss me.

I wish you are now thinking of me and our memories.

I wish you check our chat now and in my mind begging God to make me reply you.

I wish my avoidance to you, make you feel bad like I do.

I wish you we will come back to the old good us again soon.

I wish one day you will expose your feeling to me.

I wish you can't stop thinking of me. 

I wish you want me as much as I want you.

I wish you don't use me.

I wish you not becoming to that fucking person.

I wish you are different from him.

I wish my existence matter to you.

I wish I have in your mind and heart.

I wish you write about me like I write about you and one day, we could exchange our daily note to each other.

I wish you write something good about me and our conversations.

I wish you include me in almost your daily journal.

I want you to come back.

I want our good convo back.

I want the good you back.

Tell me, you are not using me. Please fucking tell me that you never have this intentions to do that even once. 

Tell me I am wrong thinking of you like that.

I miss you, I want you to know it but I can't.

I really want to talk to you.

You do feel the same too.