Book 5: Harry Potter reader insert

I am (Y/n) (L/n)

The thing about happiness is that you only know you had it when it's gone. I mean, you may think you are happy, but you don't really believe that. You focus on the petty bullshit, or the next job, or whatever. It's only looking back by comparison with what comes after that you really understand, that's what happiness felt like.

I am (Y/n) (L/n) and I was happy.

I am (Y/n) (L/n) and I killed my brother.

I heard it, his voice... Dolohov's voice as he killed my brother; my twin.

I watched on. I saw the look of realization on his face as he died in my arms.

My heart; my soul torn asunder, ripped out, cut to pieces and burnt. Replaced only with pain, with suffering.

I killed him. I killed him, it was all my fault. I tried to save him; I got him to join the DA. In the end that's what got him killed.

It's all my fault, all because of me. If he didn't join the DA he wouldn't have insisted on coming and he wouldn't have died!

I'm an idiot! I fulfilled the prophecy! I went the wrong way about it!

And— and now he's dead— and I stole his life from him and his death!

I stole his death! This wasn't how he was supposed to die! He was, he was suppose to take Dolohov with him.

He was suppose to die in glory; suppose to end Dolohov's reign of terror over our family!

I stole his life; and I stole his death. And it's all my Goddamn Fault!

I killed him! I Killed Him! I WILL KILL HIM!

I'll Kill Him! I'll Kill Him!

They might think me a hero, or some shit like that, but I'm not, I don't care what they think of me! I don't care what Dumbledore wants or what anyone else wants! This is about what I want!

I'll kill him!

No.... no I won't kill him, I'll destroy him, I don't want him dead. Death's too good for him, I want him to hurt! I want him to feel how I feel; the pain in my heart.

Death's too good for that bastard, I want pain for him, I want him to hurt, to bleed. To scream, to hurt, to beg for death!

He took mum from me, he took Richie from me, he won't take anymore, HE WONT!

I'll stop him. I have to stop him, or else... or else he'll pulled apart my family, destroy it. Destroy my soul, destroy the people I love.

They say nothing is worse than death. Those people are full of shit. Life. Life is worse than death, having to live knowing that you killed someone. Not just someone, but someone you loved, someone special.

But can I. Can I honestly take another life?

Can I do that to another human being? Another person? No matter how terrible they are no matter how horrid they are? No matter what they did?

A part of me says no; a part of me tells me I can't do it; a part of me though wants blood.

There's a fire inside me, no a monster; a monster that demands blood; that demands pain; demands suffering.

But there's a voice; a voice telling me to forgive, to forget, to move on. A voice of reason; a voice... a familiar voice... a voice of love, of mum.

To be or not to be; to kill or not to kill; to hurt or to be hurt.

But hurting him won't make the pain go away will it?

But it will help... won't it?

He deserves this, he's a horrid man, no he's not a man, he's not human. He's a bloody monster.

He deserves pain, he deserves to hurt, he deserves it!