Sanctuary

We Both Know

Chris starts squirming in Eddie’s arms, trying to look, but Eddie holds him tightly, refusing to let his son see what may very well be Buck’s dead body, as he walks closer.

There’s some loud panting,  and a grunt, and in an instant, Jeremy’s being pushed off, to reveal Buck, clearly freaked out but mostly unharmed, as he stands up, then looks down.

Big mistake.

The first thing he sees is his husband’s dead body, with a fresh bullet wound shot right through his face.

The first thing he’s aware of is Eddie, panting as he rushes over to him, Chris in his arms, then abruptly stops when he sees Buck.

Buck walks right over to them, saying only one word, “Chris.”

At that, Chris turns his head, and faster than any of them can blink, Buck’s wrapping Chris up in his own arms, whispering frantically.

“You okay? I’m so sorry, Chris. Are you okay?”

Meanwhile, Eddie’s just staring at the both of them in a  daze, before he finally manages to say something.

“He’s okay. We’re all okay.”

At that, it’s like Buck suddenly remembered Eddie was there, and in the next instant, he’s grabbing Eddie with his free arm, Eddie grabbing them with both of his arms, hugging as tightly as they can.

None of this is even close to being okay, but for right now, with Buck’s ex husband officially no longer a problem, and the three of them safe and sound, it feels like it will be.

Thankfully the 118 gets there quickly, putting Jeremy in a body bag, away from prying eyes so as not to scare Chris, and putting out the flames.

As Buck and Eddie both walk through the burnt rubble of the house, Eddie stops when he sees the trunk he’d been looking through not too long ago.

Eddie struggles to open it, now damaged from the fire, but once he does, he almost can’t believe it when he sees Shannon’s letters are still in there, completely unharmed.

Eddie quickly puts them in a box for all the stuff he’s pulled out so far, then starts to pick something else up, when he hears the unmistakable sound of someone crying.

Eddie turns to look, and sure enough, Chris is sitting on what’s left of the porch, whimpering as Eddie moves to sit next to him.

“Hey, little man.”

Chris doesn’t even look up, as he whispers. “It’s gone.”

Eddie hates he can’t do more besides rub a hand on his son’s back as he replies, “I know it’s gone. But we’ll rebuild it. And it’ll be even better. Okay?”

But that couldn’t have prepared Eddie for what Chris says next, “I miss Mommy.”, fresh tears falling.

Eddie has to wipe a hand over his own face at that, wishing more than anything he could take this pain away from Chris, but knowing he can’t.

He somehow manages to say, “I miss her too, superman.”, then wraps his son up in a hug, as he admits, “I’m always going to miss her.”

That just makes Chris start crying all over again, so Eddie says nothing more as he stays where he is, holding Chris in his arms as he just lets Chris cry on him.

“So you’re really leaving, huh?” Buck asks Shannon a few days later, as they walk along the beach.

“Yep. I think we both know it’s time for me to leave.”  Shannon gives a sad smile, but it’s clear she’s already made up her mind.

Buck still offers, “Well, call me once you get wherever you’re going. I want to know you’re okay.”

Instead of replying, Shannon turns to the horizon, sitting down on the sand, “Would you look at this beautiful sunrise? It’s almost like it’s setting the sky on fire. It almost looks photoshopped.”

Then, she looks at Buck again, “Buck, I want you to promise me something.”

Buck immediately agrees, “Name it.”

“Promise me you'll never stop making memories. The only ones you’ll regret are the ones you never made.”

Buck nods in agreement, then says, “Thank you.”

Shannon turns again, as Buck continues, “For being the friend I needed.”

They don’t say anything for a moment, just sharing a smile, before Shannon breaks the silence first,

“You deserve it, Buck. You belong here, and we both know it.”

A few days later, as Eddie’s setting his box from the house down on Buck’s kitchen counter, he looks out the window, smiling when he sees Buck playing some made up game with Chris, both of them laughing their heads off when Chris accuses Buck of cheating.

It’s a sight Eddie will never get tired of, and never wants to.

And that’s why, not even needing to second guess this time, he walks right out to where Buck and Chris are, and once Buck greets him, “Hey.”, Eddie holds out a letter.

“I have a letter. I know now it’s meant for you.”

Buck lifts an eyebrow, “Oh yeah? What is it?”

Buck takes it, reading the envelope,

For the Next One.

Buck’s not sure what to make of it, but Eddie quickly says,

“I’m gonna take Chris inside. Give you some privacy to read.”

Eddie does just that, picking Chris up despite his protests, which turn into giggles when Eddie tries to blow raspberries on him.

Now that he’s alone, Buck carefully opens the envelope, moving to his porch and sitting on the second step.

To the one that’s stolen my husband’s heart

If you’re reading this, then I know it’s true. He’s in love with you. No hesitation, not a doubt in his mind. He never would’ve given you this if there were.

Here, Buck pauses to look inside, where he locks eyes with Eddie for a brief second, then turns back to read.

I can only hope it’s the same for you. But I wanted to write this letter for you, because there’s one thing that I really, really need you to know. I am so happy to know he found you. My only regret is that I wasn’t there, some way, somehow, to meet you. Maybe in a way, I was. Outside of my husband and our beautiful son, you’re the most important person in my life. Because now that I can’t be, they’re with you now.

It’s your job to take care of them now. Make them laugh until they get stomach cramps, let them cry on your shoulder until they start hiccuping. Stand by them, no matter what, show them what it means to be there for each other. 

The thought of you filling my shoes fills my heart with hope. Hope Eddie will remember how it feels to truly fall in love with someone. Hope Chris finds someone to be his personal champion alongside his dad. Hope that Chris will have someone to stop him from bolting on his wedding day. Hope that one day my family will be even more beautiful for having been broken by my absence. And perhaps the biggest of all, hope that, in some way, I can face it all with you. Watching over all three of you.

With love,

Shannon Diaz