Honest Goodbye [COMPLETED] #Wattys2020

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

I'm puzzled. I was a glass—too fragile to believe in true love. I tried recreating what I believed made me broken. Love. But I was wrong, love didn't make me broken. I made myself shattered into pieces.

But what could I do? Nagtiwala lang ako.

Was it wrong of me to trust again in love?

I'm distressed. People were trying to reach me. Puno ng tawag nila ang phone ko na ngayon ay nakalapag lang sa kama.

Wala akong ganang tumayo. I have no more reason to do what made me happy. Was Mat just forced to do it with me? Inutusan lang siya. Pero pwede siyang tumanggi, he knows what is not right. But he chose to do me wrong.

Max tried concealing his mistakes by using other man. He didn't have to do that. Lalo lang lumala ang kasalanan niya sa akin.

He was too busy controlling other person's live that he didn't even bother to make it up to me.

I knew it. When he made me fall in love with him, it felt heaven. That's too much irony in one sentence. And in the end, I realized it was hell.

No one falls to heaven.

You are supposed to fly going there.

And that's what I learned from loving someone.

That when you are going to love, you shouldn't fall. You must feel like you are flying with someone, because that's what you must call love. You are not supposed to be shattered into pieces by falling. You should be feeling good—feeling heaven, without ironies.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang itsura ko ngayon dahil ilang araw na rin akong 'di tumitingin sa salamin. Sa loob ng tatlong araw ko rito sa bahay ay kwarto, banyo, at kusina lang ang punta ko.

Wala akong gana sa lahat ng bagay. Wala rin akong ideya kung kumusta na ang mga workers sa site.

Ayokong pumasok sa trabaho dahil ayokong makita si Mat. I also hate seeing Ara there.

Gusto ko na lang magresign.

Gusto ko na lang ipagpatuloy ang pag-aaral ko ng med. Because that what I really should be preparing about right now.

I graduated college two years ago. March pa lang at sa June pa lang ang umpisa ng klase. Sa tatlong buwan, hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Gusto kong magkulong but that's not healthy for my mental health.

Someone destroyed me already and I am the only one to glue all my pieces altogether. Ayoko na ulit umasa sa iba.

Sa sarili ko naman. At kakayanin ko 'yon.

"Krish!" Mom is yelling outside my door. Kanina pa siya kumakatok at wala akong en para tumayo at maglakad para pagbuksan siya ng pinto. "Wag ka nang magmukmok diyan!" sana ganun lang talaga kadali.

Tinabunan ko ng kumot ang ulo ko at inabot ang cellphone ko na tatlong araw ko nang bina-balewala.

There are two unregistered number called me couple of times. Lexi, Pola, and Dine were also trying to reach me out.

Hindi ko alam kung handa na ba ako na kumausap ng iba ngayon.

I don't know if I will be ready again.

Umupo ako mula sa pagkaka-higa ko at binuksan ang mga unread messages na natanggap ko. Every morning, afternoon, and evening, my friends are messaging me, privately. Kinukumusta lang ako. Pero may isang message doon si Lexi na pumukaw sa atensyon ko.

From Lexi:
Max already owned his father's company? Wow! Sana unahin ka muna niyang kumustahin bago pa 'yon.

So it became real already. Ang dahilan kung bakit siya kumuha ng business ad, ay nagkatotoo na.