Waiting Four You

Chapter Tobiasty-One (Beatrice)

"I'm sorry," Tobias says.

"What are you sorry for?" I ask him as I stand up. "I'm the one who insisted on doing the simulation."

He sighs. "But it's my fault you even have to deal with this." He gestures to where I was just puking.

I shake my head at him. Of course he's not talking about the simulation. He's talking about how miserable I've been in general for the past week.

"Tobias," I say. "You know I'm just as much at fault as you are. Stop beating yourself up over it. The baby will be worth every ounce of pain and suffering I go through."

He looks down, and I know that no matter what I say, he's going to feel responsible for how the pregnancy is affecting me.

"Just remember, I'm glad that this child is yours and has nothing to do with that night," I try reassuring him.

He smiles a little at that, and we head off to bed.

The next day we go through Lauren's fear landscape. I am unfortunately assigned kidnapping, but thankfully I keep a level head through it. (Mind you in Divergent, she gets kidnapped, but in this she does not, so the fear doesn't bother her like it does in the actual story.)

Afterwards, I head back to Tobias's apartment not wanting to deal with everyone. Honestly, I just want to see my brother. I miss him.

When Tobias comes in bringing lunch, I express that thought.

"After initiation is over," he says. "We can find a reason to visit Caleb depending on the job he chooses."

I sigh in defeat. He's right, I can't visit my brother while we're both initates of our chosen factions. The day passes slowly, and eventually, I drift off to sleep.

Christina takes me shopping, again. I only get one item, a dress for the initiation ceremony.

Unlike my other dress, this one isn't plain. There are blue beads hidden in the intricate black lace that covers the dress, and the fabric under the lace is a dark grey that is almost indistinguishable from the black lace covering it. The neck line rests just below my collar bone, and the bottom of the skirt brushes my knees. I love it.

We finish with our shopping and head to Tobias's apartment for lunch. I decide not to leave for the rest of the day.

The next morning I wake up nervous. It's the day that I will be entering my fear landscape. I don't get dressed until after breakfast, and I can barely eat that with all the nervous energy coursing through me.

When it's almost one, I head out for the Fear Landscape room, but I can't seem to bring myself to enter just yet. I wait until all of the initates are already in there, and that becomes my mistake. There are no seats left for me. Uriah pats his leg inviting me to sit, and I do knowing Tobias will understand. Uri is my best friend after all.

After Tobias gives a little speech about the Fear Landscape, they start calling us in, one by one starting with the lowest ranked, Myra. All too soon it is my turn.

Tobias injects me with the serum, after passing me a dose of my nausea medication, and soon I am in the landscape with the crows. As they start to attack me, I think. A grin spreads across my face as I force the image of a gun into the landscape. I search the tall grass in front of me until my hand grazes the metal. After a few shots at the birds, the scene changes.

Now I am in front of all the other initiates in a glass tank. I know that the water will start to fill it, and I let it. After a little while I start smashing my palms against the glass hoping to break it. The glass is ice. I think over and over until at last, it breaks under my fist.