Waiting Four You

Chapter 33 (Beatrice)

I probably would have been still panicking after that simulation if I hadn't had the sudden urge to vomit. Thankfully, I notice the garbage can sitting by the wall fast enough because otherwise, I probably wouldn't have made it to the closest bathroom.

As I'm vomiting, the only thing I can think of is the pregnancy test that Mia had performed on me that night. I  doubt that I would be far enough along to have morning sickness, though, even if this test is positive, and it would definitely be too early if I have to do a second one.

I suddenly regret leaving my hair down today until I feel Tobias's hands wrap around all of the long strands to hold it away from my face. Eventually, I can finally sit up.

"You okay?" Tobias asks me.

I look down in embarrassment and take a shakey breath. "I think so."

He tilts my head so that I'm looking directly into his eyes. His eyes are wide as if he's slightly panicking.

He sighs. "Mia said to have you go to the infirmary if you got sick today. I don't know why, though. Do you want to sit in the hall while I take care of Uriah's simulation? Then I can go with you."

I shake my head, wondering what Mia could possibly know about what just happened. Standing up makes me feel slightly dizzy. "I'll go now. We don't need too many people seeing us together."

"Be careful, Tris," he says giving me a gentle kiss on the forehead.

Once I get to the infirmary and see Mia, though, I wish that I had waited for him to come with me.

She leads me into one of the private rooms again.

"I'm going to guess that Four sent you like I told him to," she begins without preamble.

I simply nod not really wanting to trust my voice; I'm still a little queasy.

"Well," Mia starts. She pauses as if searching for the words to explain whatever it is that she needs to. She sighs heavily before finally saying, "At this point, we should be hoping the test we did two days ago is the positive one."

I look at her confused. "What do you mean?" I ask before rushing over to the garbage bin in the room.

Mia waits while until I'm back on my feet to explain.

"For some reason, that Erudite has yet to figure out, serums always cause people to get sick when they're pregnant. They have been studying it for a while trying to find what link causes it."

"Could I just have a virus?" I ask. I'm not really ready for a child.

Mia laughs a little, "Sadly, no. If you had been feeling bad before the simulation, I would accept that, but you weren't, were you?"

I have to agree with her on that. I was perfectly fine until after the simulation. "No, I was perfectly fine until after."

She then continues on to explain what is known about serums and pregnancy. It doesn't hurt the baby to still have to use serums. The strangest part, though is when she explains about the time frame before it starts to cause the nausea.

"It doesn't matter how far along you are," she says. "Implantation could have happened two seconds before you were injected with the serum, and you will still vomit. That's why I'm hoping that the test we already did is the one that will be positive. If it comes back negative, and we have to do the second one, there's the chance that the baby could be from that night."

I can't help the panic attack that comes from those words. I sink to the floor as flashes of that dreadful night insist on plaguing me.

Mia tries to calm me down, but I can't seem to snap out of it. I thought I was getting better already, but here the memories are to remind me that I'm not entirely healed yet. It's only been about a day and a half.

Suddenly, I find myself wrapped in a tight hug. The arms that enclose me are small but strong. I smell a hint of apples, like the scent from the orchards in Amity.

Breathing in the scent of the person holding me slowly brings me back to reality until I can finally breathe at a normal pace. The small arms release me, and I see Mia in front of me once more.

"You smell like apples," I comment not sure what else to say.

Mia smiles at me and somehow that makes me feel guilty.

"I'm sorry," comes out of my mouth faster than I can think.

She looks at me confused before smiling sadly. "Don't be. I know what it's like."

In that moment, I can't hide my curiosity. "How?"

Mia turns away from me, and I think that she's going to leave the room. I'm almost afraid that she will. After a long moment, she turns back with tears in her eyes.

"When I was training to work in the infirmary, I had to do my training in Erudite because none of the medics here were even close to properly certified.

"One night, I missed the train home, but I didn't want to wait the extra hour it would be before the next one arrived. I started walking.

"I don't really know where he came from, but a factionless man appeared behind me and pulled me into a random building. He was so much stronger than I was.

"About a week later, I broke my arm when I jumped off the train to head into Erudite. My trainer gave me some healing serum after setting it and putting a cast on. About ten minutes later, I was throwing up everything that I had eaten before leaving Dauntless that day. That's when I found out about serums and pregnancy.

"I wasn't exactly thrilled at the idea of having a baby, but I loved them from the moment I knew they existed. My trainer started coming to Dauntless to teach me so that I wouldn't have to take the train, but it was for nothing.

"Two months later, there was so much blood. I knew that my baby was gone."

I am completely shocked that Mia was willing to tell me all this when I get the distinct impression that none of her closer friends know any of it.

"You know, it kind of feels good to finally tell someone about it," she says after a long pause. "I've never told anyone else."

I understand why. I don't really want to talk about what happened to me either. "Thank you."

Now it's Mia's turn to be confused. "What?"

"Thank you," I say again. "It's helpful to know that I'm not alone. To know that someone else knows exactly how I feel. Although hopefully, I won't go through that last bit."

"I hope that too," she says. "Do you want me to go get Four? I doubt that you want to try and explain what I told you."

Part of me wants to be the one to explain everything to him, but I doubt that I can explain it all correctly.

I nod, and she heads off to find Tobias. While she's gone, I wonder what I can do throughout the rest of stage two because I really don't want to be emptying my stomach every day for the next two weeks.

When she returns with Tobias, he pulls me into his arms as she explains the same stuff that she told me minus the bit about herself. I completely understand why she doesn't discuss it.

"So, if I'm understanding you correctly," Tobias begins after she finishes. "You're completely certain that Tris is pregnant."

"Yes," Mia replies patiently. "But she still needs to come back for the test results in five or six days."

I can tell that Tobias is stressed by the way sits rigid beside me.

"I don't think I fully understand that part," he says. I think he does understand, but he wants it repeated for some reason.

"Basically, Four, if the test we already did comes back positive, then she was already pregnant when it happened meaning that the child is guaranteed to be yours." She takes a deep breath before continuing. "If it comes back negative, then we'll have to do the second test three weeks after that. WHEN that one comes back positive, then we'll have to do a DNA test when the baby is born to figure out if the child is from that situation or not."

"Is there anything that can help with the sickness after the simulations?" I interject while they're both silent.