Habits

Phone Calls

"Let's just do the mature thing here, okay?" She said.

No no no. This couldn't be happening, was all I could think.

"This is not an official breakup."

Fuck.

I couldn't even focus on the rest of whatever she said. I knew immediately that those words were false. It was an official breakup. There was no such thing as an unofficial one.

"This sounds a lot like a breakup to me." I said with a deep breath after wiping a tear. And it did.

"You know this isn't working." She said while shaking her head. "You know I will always love you the most." And then the dam broke. I couldn't stop the tears anymore.

When she kissed me, I leaned in to it as much as I could. It would probably be our last. I melted into her embrace when she wrapped her arms around me.

"I love you too." I managed to choke out.

When she pulled back, she intertwined our hands. I was still crying and I noticed how hard she was trying to stop her own tears.

She must've been trying to stay strong for me. Santana always did that.

"Can you leave please?" I whispered brokenly, my voice cracking half way through. "I just-i just really need to be alone right now." Santana nodded and slowly got up. She kissed my cheek one last time before leaving.

I couldn't stop the tears no matter how hard I tried. It seemed as if they were endless and that the harder I tried, the harder I cried. I ended up a teary, hyperventilating mess. When I finally did stop, I spent another few minutes controlling my breathing.

I could only vaguely remember the events of the day after leaving the choir room. It felt as if I were dead. A ghost being pushed from one place to another. It had just faintly sunk in, that Santana was no longer mine. But I'd always be hers. No matter what. I wouldn't be able to change the fact that Santana Lopez would forever be tattooed on my heart.

When I went home, I went straight to my room. I wasn't in the mood to socialize with my family. I honestly tried my hardest to get my homework done, but every time I did, I remembered when Santana would come over after school and we'd do homework together. I remembered how it would take us hours longer than it should've because we'd constantly take kiss breaks.

My homework ended up being only half finished before I gave up and picked up my phone to call the only person I felt I could talk to.

"Hello?" She said on the other end. I have no clue why, but it started up another round of tears.

"Hi, Q." I said, my voice cracking.

"Britt, what's wrong?" Quinn asked, sounding more than a little concerned.

"S-s-s-santana." I managed to choke out.

"What happened to Santana?" She asked firmly.

I stuttered too much for Quinn to be able to understand me and finally huffed in frustration.

"Britt, breathe. Drink some water." Quinn tried to calm me down. I could tell she was upset that she wasn't physically with me.

I got up and quickly grabbed a glass of water before hurrying to my room without another word.

"Okay. Explain."

"Santana told me-she told me that our long-distance relationship wouldn't work. She said it was because neither of us were getting what we needed. She-she broke up with me." I whispered the last part and was suddenly racked with sobs. Saying it out loud just made it real.

"Oh, Britt." Quinn whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"I-I just have no clue what to even feel right now. I'm lost. And not in the way that I'm used to, Q. Santana was always there to help me and be with me. But she's not anymore." I sobbed.

"B, Santana will always be there for you." She said firmly. "She'd never leave you completely. She still loves you." Quinn tried to assure me.

"B-b-but-"

"No buts. Just, I'll keep talking to you but not about her. We need to let you calm down first. So, how's Lord Tubbington?" She asked.

It took a few more questions for me to calm down. But Quinn was right she kept talking to me, never once mentioning Santana.

I didn't realize I fell asleep until I woke up and saw that the call was still running and Quinn was snoring softly on the other side.

"Thanks, Q." I whispered before ending the call.

Talking to Quinn always helped me.

A/N: I know this is hella short. But I kind of wanted to reflect more on how Britt felt right after the breakup.