Habits

Pills & Potions

Pairings: None. It's all about Santana.

Warnings: Self-harm, suicide, character death. If you are easily triggered don't read this.

"I haven't even told my parents yet." I sobbed. I ran out of Sue's office and into the washroom that nobody used. The toilets were almost always broken in there.

I slumped down onto the floor, vision blurred by tears. I couldn't believe what just happened. Finn's words kept ringing in my head.

I am a coward.

I was gasping for breath and my chest was constricting painfully. My vision was becoming spotted and I felt like I was about to pass out.

I needed to scream. I needed to scream until my throat was raw and I couldn't speak. But, I didn't. The only sounds that resonated throughout the washroom were my gasps and sobs.

It only got worse when I thought about how my parents would react.

I heard the bell ring for last period. I couldn't stay in the washroom forever or else people would notice. I somehow managed to slow my breathing before getting up and fixing myself as best as I could.

My eyes were insanely puffy and red, my nose was still red as well. But, I put on my bitch face and it still seemed to work as I made my way to my next class.

I kept walking until I bumped into Quinn.

"Hey." She smiled, but it faltered when she took in my face. "San, what's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing." I hissed. When I moved to walk past her, she gently grabbed my forearm.

"Santana. Wait. I-if you need you talk, just call me, okay?" Quinn said nervously.

I nodded at her before moving towards my next class.

*

When the ad aired, everybody was looking at me. Normally they were to scared to even glance my way. But they were literally looking at me.

The day went by pretty normally besides that, though. Until I was walking to my car.

"Hey! Dyke!" I heard a deep voice call from behind me. I ignored it and kept going. "Don't fucking ignore me, Princess." The same voice growled, much closer than before. "You see, I'm a lot bigger than you. I also think I could help you through this little phase of yours a lot quicker. If you know what I mean."

I kept going. When I got to my car, I unlocked the door and quickly hopped in before peeling out of the parking lot.

I thought that a few days after the ad came out, it'd die down.

I thought wrong.

It was a torturous process. Guys would make cat calls, some would even offer to 'fix me'.

Nothing good came out of being outed. I thought that maybe Brittany would want to be with me if I was out. But she wouldn't leave that fucking cripple. And, on top of that, I didn't feel better about myself. If anything, I felt worse.

But, one day, I was cornered against my car and the same jock from the first day was pressed up against me.

His lips were brushing up and down my neck as tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Just let me fix you." He'd said. "It'll be easy. And I'll make it good for you too." He added with a dark chuckle.

I kneed him in the crotch and took the opportunity to leave in my car while he double over in pain.