In His Eyes

XXXIII

Todoroki Shoto had thought that his life simply wasn't meant to have light in it until he saw Midoriya smile for the first time.

His father, his abuser since birth, never taught Shoto that life could be worth living. His sister, the personification of a forced smile, never showed Shoto that sometimes it was better to say no. His brother, his only remaining brother, was spiteful and bashed their father's name whenever he could, Shoto saw that his potential as a professional sportsman was dripping down the drain (put a pencil to his temple, connected it to his brain, and he wrote his first refrain, a testament to his pain). His entire household was nothing but fake smiles, angry words, and torment to all but his father. The king who sat on a throne made of his subjects fear and obedience.

Shoto had been home-schooled, his father believed that mixing in with the other kids would give Shoto ideas, so he had never felt friendship before. In fact, Shoto doubts he had ever felt anything. Well, besides pain and the un-shatter-able anxiety he gets whenever he hears someone yelling. Just hearing the kids scream in joy as the passed his house made Shoto's gut flip in terror and the memories he worked so hard to forget while he could come crashing down. He never knew why screaming made him fearful, but he soon discovered it was the raising of voices in general. Whenever a tone rose above it's normal volume, he couldn't help but feel as if something bad was about to happen.

He lived his life in the dark. He kept his voice to himself, he kept his thoughts to himself. He didn't know that by doing so, he was stabbing himself with more and more pain. So he kept doing it, he keeps every single thought to himself, he holds back the urge to feel the warmth of somebody else and soon grew repulsed by it. He kept his voice down and never spoke unless spoken to, and when he did reply it was what he thought would please whoever he was speaking to the most. His own personal opinion meant nothing to him.

His private tutor commented many times that Shoto was a wonderful student who had a bright future and was very mature. But in reality, it was only because he silenced himself and did as he was told to do. For the longest of time, he lived by three rules.

-Don't question.

-Don't command.

-Don't refuse.

He did not question what he was told, he did not speak in a strong tone, and he did what his father and tutor told him to do. He was 'a perfect child'. He knew better, of course, he knew that his social skills were turning into dust and that his will to defend himself from anything became non-existent.

That's how his life was for fifteen years. When he turned fifteen, he slowly began to observe and realize that what was happening, wasn't right. So he 'rebelled' and spoke for himself, he corrected what was lies and was honest with how he felt.

He was punished severely. His emotions and thoughts and views didn't match what his father wanted, so he was punished.

Shoto retreated back into his hole and his father smiled at the snuffed out fire that had became a simple flame in the lighter that he holds.

Until Midoriya. When Shoto first met Midoriya on a walk back from the market, he was astounded by how honest Midoriya was. He still sensed hidden truths and pain, but besides that, Midoriya was the first person Shoto had met that wasn't docile. No, that's not the right word. Midoriya wasn't leashed. He wasn't chained up by how most people believed he should be. Shoto was even more astounded to find out that Midoriya was quirkless. Here was a quirkless, smiling, honest, actual person.

They met up often and talked a lot, Midoriya, whether he realized it or not, had become a sun that illuminated Shoto's shadow filled mind. He pushed back Shoto's anti-human thoughts and treated Shoto like a human being. One with opinions, preferences, feelings, and ideas. Shoto began to develop a sense of life that he lost, and with Midoriya's help, it stayed. Little by little.

======================

Denki Kaminari won't lie, he had no reason to be depressed. In fact, he didn't believe he was. He could never think about self harming himself or suicide. He just didn't really care about being alive or dead. He didn't particularly want to die, he was just indifferent about it.

He had never been hit before, he had never been threatened before, he had never been bullied, nor did his parents boast about how bad he was in school.

So why was he always angry?

It wasn't even real anger, it was just always there. This burning lump in the pit of his stomach. Kaminari never acted violent, he never acted at all. Not sad, not angry, not upset, not extremely out going. He was just.... smiles.
Smiles and the rare laugh. The occasional rambling session about some minor thing he wasn't really into but his parents approved of. He acted like it wasn't there, but it was. The constant urge to be furious. He wanted to break things, and tear things, and rip things apart. He wanted to be violent. People, objects, it didn't matter. He wanted to hurt. He just didn't know why.

Kaminari often wondered if it was because he was never able to express anger when he was younger, or be angry at all, really. But he brushed those thoughts off as 'being dramatic' and 'your childhood was fine'. Because in his eyes it was. He thought himself to be spoiled, his parents bought him a lot of things. They never really made him happy, but he labeled that as 'being ungrateful', he should be lucky to have that stuff, some people out there aren't as lucky as him. The constant repressing of his anger and sadness, the never ending silencing, the 'always be cautious' feeling he had. It was all normal to him, and frankly, it still was. Being a pro hero didn't mean you automatically lived in a big house. Denki Kaminar lived in a one floor house in a meidiocre part of town. He couldn't complain about it, there was no gang activity or anything like that. But there was the fact that every child thought the same thing as him. It was natural to be shushed. It was natural to not cry. It was natural to be expected to know what to do every waking second.

Sometimes Kaminari wonders if they have the anger too, it didn't make sense for him to be the special one.

This was how his life was, this is how his life is.

It didn't change much when Midoriya came around, but it changed none the less.

Midoriya gave Kaminari time to talk, voice his opinion, and pick topics that he liked to talk. Never once did he shush him or tell him his opinion was incorrect. It made his anger lessen and it made Denki wonder if being shushed was a bad thing. He brushed that off too though. You can't fix what has been bred into somebody.

You thought it was a big update, but it was I!

This shit will be important.

I think.

Anyways.... (oh fuck I hate it when the '....' thing happens) I don't want the big-big update to seem rushed or packed. I want to post something you guys will actually enjoy reading, so please forgive me if it takes a long while.

I might do another one of these or a final segement to the latest one shot while the big-big update is being written (and erased, and written again, and erased again) or spam update some other books. Dunno yet.

I hope you all have a wonderful Night/Day/Dawn/Dusk!