bodyguard ; kth

30 ; your fault

i sat alone in the living room later that night. a glass of vodka sat on the table next to me. it was a rough week, a drink during times like this was necessary.

my eyes stared into thin air. my head felt numb, it was trying to recollect my disorganised thoughts. it was a vicious cycle of thoughts. was jiae's death my fault. where's the killer now? what does aera think of me? am i going to fired?

i let out a breath as i rubbed my sore eyes. a small voice came out of the darkness. i turned my head to see kitae creeping by the door.

"you okay, taehyung?" he asked in a small voice. i returned a small smile and nodded, ushering him to come inside. he slowly approached me, standing by my side. i turned my head back towards the window.

"i'm okay, kitae. how about you?"

the younger male took a few moments to reply. he said in an almost whisper, "i can't sleep. everything is so scary."

a few moments went on and he asked me, "are...are you scared, taehyung?"

i shook my head.

"no, i'm not. but it's okay for you to be, everyone's scared of something. that's how we know we care about something, we're afraid we'll lose it."

after another moment of silence. kitae asked quietly, "what are you scared of?"

i bit my tongue. i've spent the majority of my life avoiding this question. i looked at the younger male, telling him, "i think you should go back to bed, kitae."

"taehyung, please tell me. are you scared of that man who killed mom? are you sc-" i cut his words.

"no, i'm not."

i knew deep down what my fear was. i never thought about my fear, i always pushed the thought away when it came up. it was a secret, no one really knew about it. not even me.

"then what? what are you scared of?" kitae asked again, looking at me.

when i caught sight of his green eyes, similar to the ones aera had, i knew what my fear was. the feeling of your stomach churning, your skin building up a sweat and your heart racing wildly. i felt this way after my mother was dying in the hospital.

the only other time i felt this way was...

kitae continued looking at me with a curious look in his eyes.

from that moment, i knew what it was.

"i'm afraid... of not being there for her."

the next day

the house was very quiet for the next few weeks. it was like the happiness got sucked out of everyone after jiae's death.

i sighed, my body felt tired from all the past week's events. i was walking up the stairs, going to check on aera. we haven't spoken in a few days.

speaking of the devil, i heard footsteps coming down the stairs. i looked up to see aera standing a few steps ahead of me, her body facing me. she stared at me, hand gripping the stair rails.

i didn't say anything. all the things i wanted to say to her all disappeared from my brain. i looked down, continuing to walk up the stairs. our bodies brushed past each other.

then suddenly, her hand gripped onto my arm, stopping my movements. she twisted my body around to face her. she stepped close to me, resting her forehead on my chest. i was taken back, looking down at her. i knew when i saw her shoulders trembling that she was crying.

"why..why didn't you save her?" she whispered while reaching up to grab the fabric of my jacket.

i was taken back, my body stilled.

she started softly hitting my chest with her fists. i raised my arms in a half-hearted attempt to protect myself.

"it was your job to protect me and she died doing it...it was me they were after and you let them kill her..." aera mumbled against my chest quietly. i felt my shirt dampening from her crying.

"jiae never hurt anyone, she was good....she never wished anyone any harm."

i listened to her words, holding her hands tightly as she continued bawling.

aera quietened down after a few moments. she released her grip on my suit as she looked up at me.

"i didn't love her enough. i didn't take care of her..." she quietly mumbled. her beautiful eyes bore into mine as tears slipped down her cheek.

i loosened my grip on her hands.

"i'm sorry," i whispered, not knowing what else to say to her. we stared at each other to what felt like years. she looked away eventually, turning her body and continued walking down the stairs.

"aera.." i softly called out.

"leave me alone, tae," i heard her whisper. she turned a corner and disappeared.