The Diaz Brothers

Unexpected but Deserved-- chapter 22

Ryan and Sear got to the house around 45 minutes earlier than Ryan had said and I was still getting ready. I was curling my hair when I heard Ace open the door. Nobody said anything so I assumed he had gone to get his tie out of the truck. I opened the mirror cabinet to put my brush up which took away my ability to see who was coming into the bathroom. A few seconds later someone had their arms around me and picked me up. They pulled me out of the bathroom and I kept myself from screaming because I was assuming Ace was just in a mood so I closed my eyes silently. Once in the hall I was released and spun around. I kept my eyes closed and he hugged me tight. It didn't smell like Ace so I opened my eyes slowly. "Ryan! I thought you wouldn't be home until 5:45?!" "And miss the face you just made? No way Princess!" I smiled. "Ryan you are so sweet. But why did you come up behind me like that? You know I don't like people coming up behind me... You scared me..." "I'm sorry Princess. I didn't mean to scare you I just... There isn't really an excuse. So Sear and I were both gonna change into our dress blues but... He's still out in the truck and he's sleeping better than he has in about a year so we are going to dinner in fatigues. Do you mind it? If you do I'll wake him." "Ryan I wouldn't care if you went in muddy oil field clothes. I'm just glad you're home. You have no clue how much I've missed you." He smiled. "I've missed you too. You have no idea how bad it's been on me being away from you after your lungs collapsed that day. We all have nightmares over there, usually about over there but mine were about you. About losing you. The night guards the first few times laughed and poked fun because they thought it was about my girlfriend or something. Of course the fourth or fifth time I woke Sear up cause I yelled too loud. It was almost so bad. But he woke up and woke me up and told me that you would be okay. He said 'Ryan, she's okay... She has Ace now. He wouldn't let anything happen to her. Okay? Your baby is going to be just fine. And so will hers. She will be okay... Alright? Okay,' which of course made me feel a little better... But not really. I wanted to be the one to protect you. I started looking back on my sorry ass life and I wished I had never left you at all. I should've been there to protect you from all those jackasses. You're my baby and I should've been there. See there's a lot of time to think over there. The first two tours I spent wishing I could talk to you and tell you that I was there at all. Those were the easy two. I had taken myself away from you because I thought it would be safer for you. I thought my dad would follow me to try and beat the shit out of me for leaving without warning. Instead he stayed to hurt you more than I already did. All the missed calls and texts from you over those months, all the voicemails, it killed me not to call you back. But I thought I was helping you...Third tour was hard because I had seen you and I had realized just how much I had hurt you before and I really didn't want to leave again. I realized how little thought I actually put into going.

"I knew you were worried and upset about me then because I could feel it reading your letters. I could tell by the way you slanted your letters on some words to emphasize them or the way you would underline the word 'miss' or 'home'. I could tell when you were upset too because you would write my name with no capital letter and you'd spell it all the way instead of saying Ry or any of the other names you've called me... I know you told me over and over that you didn't want me to leave you again but I had to. I was on call to be deployed. And when I signed the papers to be deployed the fourth time as soon as I did it I could see you in the back of my mind and I almost cried then. Almost turned around and asked them to take me off the list but Sear was already signing them and I couldn't send him over there by himself. It's so bad over there right now. This time I thought of you when they told me I was being sent home. You were the first person I thought of. I thought you'd be so happy to hear I was coming home you'd scream. You're the most important thing in my life right now baby girl. My little Princess. Even if you aren't little anymore Bear. This tour almost killed me in a few ways." I wanted to cry and I didn't know how to respond.