Let Me Be Your Cure (COMPLETED)

CHAPTER 25

CHAPTER 25

Reconciliation

"HOW DID YOU live on your own?" he asked me.

Magkatabi kaming nakahiga ngayon sa kama at matutulog na sana ngunit mas trip yata nitong magdaldalan muna. Kinulit niya akong tumabi sa aking matulog; way of suyo ko raw sa kaniya upang mawala na raw ang pagtatampo niya sa 'kin.

"Sariling sikap. Ginugol ko lahat ng oras ko sa pagtatrabaho and at the same time sa pag-aaral. I didn't even thought of wasting my time. Nag-ipon ako tapos ginamit ko rin iyong naiwang pera ni mama na itinago niya para sa 'kin. Nagpakalayo-layo na rin ako mula sa pamilya ko upang makalimot sa mga panahong iyon."

"Haven't they tried reaching out to you?"

"Of course they have tried but I just pushed them away, especially kuya Aiden. He was really affectionate towards me; more affectionate than my father. He cried and begged me to come home 'cause he said he misses me."

"Where is he now?"

"He's in abroad, I think." Hindi ako sigurado.

"Don't you miss your family?"

"Uhm."

"I wanna meet them, won't you let me?"

Napatingin ako sa kaniya. "What do you mean?"

"Galit ka pa rin ba sa kanila? You can be honest with me, baby. What do you feel right now? Huwag mo muna isipin ang mga masasamang pangyayari noon. Think about the good things you shared with them."

Actually, aaminin kong sobrang hindi ako makatarungan sa ginawa ko noon. Maybe I was just carried away from all the emotions I was feeling that time. I was raped. My mama's gone. Lolo's sick and was in abroad. Papa cheated and remarried. I almost got married to someone I don't know.

I was depressed from all those things that happened to me. Staying at home was too toxic for me so I had to leave.

"Hmm, I don't know. Sa totoo lang hindi talaga ako galit sa kanila. Malungkot lang ako na hindi ako mula sa pamilyang iyon. You know I was so proud back then because I was from that family but when I found out about the truth, I was devastated. You understand me, right? Minsan kapag malungkot ka, nagagalit ka sa lahat. Hindi ko lang talaga kayang bumalik doon dahil sa mga alaalang naiwan ko roon. Sa bawat sulok ng bahay, ang masayahing ako ang naaalala ko kasabay na roon ang mga alaala ko kay mama. The memories of me and my family being so happy kills me. At saka wala rin naman akong babalikan doon. Basically, I'm not a Chantal. It's just on the papers. I am just my mama's daughter."

He caressed my face. "Magagalit ka ba sa 'kin kapag may ginawa akong ayaw mo?"

"Sa lahat ng nangyari sa 'kin, wala na akong lakas upang magalit sa kahit sinuman. I'm just tired, lately. At saka ano namang gagawin mo?" nagtataka kong tanong.

He just shook his head.

"It depends, then." I leaned my head on his chest.

"You really love that place, e?"

"Uhum." I kissed him on his chest.

"Ashanti baby, nagiging pilyo ka na ha."

Tinawanan ko lang siya.

If ever na bumalik man ako... I would probably greet them with a smile. Pagod na kasi ako. Nakapapagod din pala ang pagkikimkim ng sama ng loob sa loob ng matagal na panahon. Palagi na lang masama ang loob ko na gusto ko na lang tapusin ang lahat.

Nakapapagod ang magpanggap na malakas ka kung hindi ka naman talaga malakas.

I want to end everything. Simula no'ng makaharap ko ulit ang isa sa mga taong naging dahilan ng paghihirap ko at nang maparusahan ko siya'y parang doon nagsimula ang pag-iisip ko na gusto ko na lang magpatawad. Natanto kong ako lang iyong naiwan sa nakaraan.