Helpless And Helpful (A Pippa Soo Fanfic)

Chapter 5; Not Okay

hiii slight trigger warning for this chapter, mentions of self harm and suicide. i advise not reading if you think this might effect you. i'll put *** where it starts and end <3

Pippa's POV

When me and Jess got home she went straight to her room. She was obviously tired after what had happened at the theatre, and I didn't blame her. Jasmine came back with us; ever since I bought Jess to the theatre, her and Jas have gotten really close. Every time Jess came with me to work they would talk for ages. Jas had said that she's always wanted kids of her own, so I guess she was excited. It was actually really cute to see Jas and Jess bonding. Jasmine had gone to see Jess in her room after she'd been alone for around 10 minutes to see if she was okay and when I went in 30 minutes after that to see what they were doing, they were both sitting in the corner of her bed, cuddled up and Jess was crying. "Jess, are you okay?" I said as I went to sit next to them. I noticed Jasmine was also slightly crying too. "Jess, do you want me to tell her or do you want to do it yourself?" Jess wiped her eyes. "You can say it." She spoke quietly, her voice quivering. *** "When I walked in, Jess was sitting on the floor in tears. She was facing the wall, so I couldn't see what she was doing, but when I went and sat with her and she turned around, she had the scissors in her hand, the blade against her arm. She was shaking like it was the middle of winter and she was bleeding. There wasn't a lot of blood, so we cleaned it off quickly and she's a bit better now. But she said she felt so bad for what happened, and that she didn't want us to have to deal with it." By the end of the story I was crying too. Jess lifted up the sleeve of her jumper and I saw what must've been about 50 small cuts on her wrist, some looked months old. "Oh my god Jess. Can I ask how long you've been doing this? Obviously you don't have to tell me, but I want to help you." "I started about a year ago. I had told my friends that I was bi and they started to hate me. They bullied me so much. I-" Tears flooded from her eyes like waterfalls. Jasmine pulled her closer. "I tried to kill myself after about 2 months of it. I couldn't do it anymore. I never told anyone, but I took 25 pills. I was at school when I did it, so I called my mom and said I was going to a friends house, but I really went to the hospital. The nurse that helped me was so nice, and she promised not to tell my mom. When I got home I was so sick but I told my mom it was just something I ate. I didn't go for school for about 2 weeks, but that didn't stop the girls. They would message me, telling me I was worthless and to die. By the time I went back to school, I must've had about... 300 cuts on my wrists and legs." Jasmine was sobbing, and I had my hand to my mouth, trying not to cry to loud. "I eventually moved house and started a new school. I blocked them and got a new phone number, but somehow they still found away to message me. The things they said were awful. I didn't go a day without hurting myself. My mom never noticed." She sat up and took off her jumper, revealing her arms and wrists covered in small white scars. She rolled up her jeans half way to reveal many more scars. I didn't know what to say, and I just sat there crying. Jasmine eventually spoke up. "Jess, I'm so sorry. Those girls are horrible, I don't understand why anyone would do such a thing. Do they still message you?" Jess nodded. "If you don't mind, can I see?" Jess grabbed her phone and opened it to the messages.

Kayla:  Kill yourself, Jess nobody likes you

Lucy: You're ugly, and worthless. You should jump off a building, the world would be better without you ***

Those were the messages I could read, but I had to look away because it was so awful. "Jess, we'll get you a new phone, and anything else you need to get rid of those girls. That's disgusting. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Me and Jasmine can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but we'll be here for you every step of the way." Jasmine nodded along; she was crying more than any of us, and her t-shirt was entirely soaked in tears. "Thank you. And Jazzy, it's okay. Please don't cry." Jess said as Jasmine pulled her close. "I'm sorry Jess, but those girls were way out of line. And everything you've gone through is terrible. I'm so sorry baby I really am. I'm always here for you." They were pushed so tight in the corner now, and I moved closer to join them. We stayed there for about 10 minutes, until me and Jas realised that Jess was asleep, so we slowly got up and left. "You can stay over if you want Jas. Jess seems to really like you and I'm sure she would love it if you were here in the morning." I quietly said as to not wake Jess up. "Thanks Pips. I would love to." She was still crying and to be honest so was I. "Take out?" I said, picking up the phone to order something. "Definitely."

979 words :)

i kinda hate this chapter cos it's so dramatic and i hate writing drama but i wanted to add a little s p i c e to the story. and also, if youre struggling with any mental health issues, self harm etc, im always here to talk. i've been through it myself and i know it's hard, so my insta dm's (pippabby) are always open <333