AFTER THE FLORPUS

RE: Union

Membrane: Alright children, everyone in the vehicle!

Dib: where are we going?

Membrane: (shivers) Family reunion. My parents, who are your grandparents of course, will be there, so, please, please, especially you son, don't say anything embarrassing.

Dib: fine, Dad. I just won't talk.

Membrane: You can talk but, well, you just don't understand, it's very important my parents are very strict and well, they're Catholic.

Dib and Gaz: Whaa?

(Zim and Gir, being the stalkers they are, are attached to the bottom of the vehicle)

Zim: Gir, hold on tight, if you fall off, I don't wanna have to fix you!

GIR: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

(at the reunión)

Mom-Brane: Oh my look at my not-so-little boy. Oh this must be that Dib, you look exactly like your father did when he was your age!

Aunt-Brane: Yes, the resemblance is uncanny...

Dad-Brane: It's been ten years boy. Where the heck have you been?

Membrane: Great seeing you everyone now we must leave.

Where is your sister!?

Gaz: Stupid family, stupid everyone. Ugh.

Mariah: Yeah, were pretty stupid we'll admit.

Gaz: who are you?

Mariah: Soy tu prima, Maria, recuérdame?

(I'm your cousin, Maria, remember me?)

Gaz: no?

Maria: I remember when you were just a teeny tiny Bebe, and your brother too.

Rae: Awww, she's adorable!

Gaz: I AM NOT ADORABLE!

Rae: Is that the new GameSlave? I love game slaves!

Gaz: Me too that's why I play it.

Mariah: I'm saving up to get the GameSlave Infinite when it debuts next year.

Gaz: Really? what kind of games do you play?

Maria: Mostly SpeedyHog games even though the occasional violent shooter is nice to relieve my temper.

Gwen: Trust me she has a real one, ahaha.

Gaz: Whenever I'm mad I just seek revenge on my stupid brother.

Maria: cool.

Gaz: (smiles) You guys are tolerable.

Mom-brane: Come on, sit down and eat something, and pull that silly collar down and show your face.

Membrane: no thanks.

Dad-brane: Ah-ha, this is the child who went off to be a big TV scientist. Now you might be verified by the cable ratings, but are you verified in the eyes of god?

Membrane: Dad, I've been agnostic since I was eight and you know it.

Dad-brane: And always so spiritually devoid.

Membrane: Dad please my kid is here.

Dad-brane: lemme guess is that the game obsessed one or the one that has a crush on that foriegn boy?

Dib: I don't have a crush-

Membrane: Dad please

DB: you might wanna have the talk with him about what an abomination his preference is to the Lord.

M: I will do no such thing. I don't believe in your religious garbage.

DB: that's right, you believe humans came from monkeys.

M: That's a straw man.

DB: You're more insane than your son, and there's no hope for his sanity.

M: That's enough. Find your sister, we are leaving.

(he grabs them, throws them into the car and leaves)

Zim: Hello fellow Dib-families. I'm a long lost cousin. GIR! Hey! Get out of the potato salad!

Crazy Carl: that's him alright, the lizard person!

Other Carl: it took three days to make that potato salad.

*

Membrane: (car runs out of gas and breaks down)

Damn it!!!

(Pulls over)

Dib: Dad? Are you-

Membrane: Am I okay? No! I've spent my whole life trying to make my family proud, I am the smartest damn man in the world, and this is how they treat me.

Dib: oh how I know how that feels.

Membrane: I tell you that I'm proud of you. Just because I tell you just how damn insane your bullshi-

And I'm just like him...

Dib (tearing up): Dad-?

Membrane: Son, look at me. I know we aren't always... on the same page, but for this time being, I wouldn't mind you showing me some of that pseudoscientific knowledge in that notebook of yours.

Dib: Wha- (is so shocked by the gesture that he goes Dib Error 404)

Membrane: Dib?

Dib: I never thought the day would come!

(They situate in the back of the van, Dib on Membranes lap, showing him some of the things in his notebook.)

Dib: See, this is a picture from the time we were on the moon.

Membrane: I thought you and I were going to go to the moon?

Dib: one day. And this here is some real Bigfoot hair, for real I swear!

Membrane: This is... rather intriguing.

(Eventually they fall asleep as a family. They next morning it's so piping hot both the kids beg their father to call his family for help.)

Membrane: Dib, Gaz, you don't understand. My father, my mother, they aren't the people you call on for help.

But look at this (uses cactus juice and mini lighting) I, on limited resources, can make an unlimited fuel source!

(It blows up in his face)

Gaz: Dad are you ok?

Membrane: This is a last resort (calls in his older brother)

Nny: HERES JOHNNY! Of course you can call me Nny for short. Hmmm... you look a lot like my little bro here, I may have to use you as a replacement. (Leans over Dib)

Geez, the size of that head though, no matter, so long as the wall accepts your blood.

(dib is so frightened he pees himself)

Membrane: Enough, do you have the fuel?

Nny: Of course! (Puts fuel in engine) Have an okay day everyone (leaves)

Membrane: I'm sorry about him, he's from... a different timeline, to say the least. He really spooked you, didn't he son?

Dib: Wasn't he one the news for... never mind,.. how am I even surprised?

Gaz: I can't believe you pissed your pants. You're such a pansycake.

Dib: I had to pee! Where and when did you go?

Gaz: where there's a will there's a way.

Membrane: Let's, let's just get home. 

(they go home, Membrane shakes his head in disgust of his "poor insane family")

(No idea what music goes with this chapter tbh, you choose)