AFTER THE FLORPUS

All a Clone

Bootie: Dib, Dib Membrane!

(Dib snaps awake, groggy from being up most of the night after the unsuccessful keynote

Dib: Oh, hey. I'm sorry I haven't called in a while, I've been busy and-

Bootie: Don't try to explain yourself, traitor, I know what you've been up to.

Dib: What are you talking about.

Bootie: Since you captured an alien, you should've contacted us immediately!

Dib: Oh, I- I'm sorry. You see my dad was actually the one who captured him and I didn't actually think about-

Bootie: Enough! If you or your dad ever capture another alien or cryptid, you contact us first!

Dib: Okay. But... look, I'm actually on really good terms with my dad right now, we've actually started working together a bit and... I don't really think I need to be part of Swollen Eyeball anymore, I want to, but I'm too busy.

Bootie: Sure, sure, go ahead and trust your Dad, well just let you walk free after being part of an underground organization and just do father son-science all day of you want.

Dib: Really?

Bootie: No kid, you join Swollen Eyeball, you're in it for life.

Dib: I-- what..

Bootie: Now, you're next mission is for you to give us your address, or whatever address you have the alien, and let us come get him.

Dib: So you believe Zim's an alien.

Bootie: God almighty yes!

Dib: Oh that's good.

Bootie: Address now?

Dib: I-- no!

Bootie: Did you just tell me no?

Dib: Yes. I said I don't want to be part of your group anymore and you can't make me!

Bootie: What if I told you we could take over science? That Membrane labs could become, hmmm, say DIB Labs, and remember, your Dad may not be so trustworthy, with his REAL SCIENCE and all, do you even know what that actually means?

Dib: My dad isn't the best person, I've admitted it so many times but I'd never betray him!

Bootie: He's the leader of a transhumanist agenda!

Dib: What's wrong with that?

Bootie: Oh child, you are so naive, so trusting just because he "raises you." The things your dad does would detroy you if you knew about it.

Dib: What would you know about my dad that I don't?

Bootie: what if I told you one of your father's big secrets is that he's not actually your father.

Dib: I don't buy that, we look too much alike.

Bootie: (mumbles) Not that he ever shows his face.

(speaks normally) That's the secret. You aren't his child, you're his clone.

Dib: don't be ridiculous.

Bootie: think about it, you never had a mom.

Dib: That's not true, dad just never talks about her.

Bootie: You think someone like your dad would ever get a woman, you think someone with no time for his kids would have time for a wife.

Dib: You make a good point but-

Bootie: Still don't believe me? Take a look in your father's lab, really look around, see what you can find.

Dib: Fine, but it's still not gonna make me trust you.

(Dib sneaks into his fathers lab and finds documentation of "ULTIMATE CREATION" which details an advanced cloning process. One exact clone and one with altered chromosomes to crate a female clone)

Membrane: Son, aren't you supposed to be staying out of my lab?

Dib: Dad, what is this?

Membrane: Oh, it's nothing.

Dib: Is it true?

Membrane: What is?

Dib: That I, actually, that Gaz and I, are your clones?

Membrane: (sighs) I knew you would find out eventually...

Dib: And you didn't think that would be important to tell me, to tell either of us?

Membrane: Now look-

Dib: No! My first memory is waking up in some test tube surrounded by aliens, or what I thought was aliens.

My entire life, the reason why I believe all this weird stuff, is actually, because of you?

Membrane: Dib now you can't pin everything on me.

Dib: Maybe I can, I'd be a better person if you were a better father!

Membrane: I'm trying to do better.

Dib: Yeah, well, you may be trying, but I don't know if I can forgive you, not yet. Especially for not telling me this.

Membrane: I wanted to tell you, but you're absolutely insane as it is, I knew that you wouldn't be able to handle it.

Dib: You still think I'm insane, after seeing Zim and Tak, and everything?

Membrane: Now, I didn't mean it that way.

Dib: No, I'm done with your close-minded science, I'm done with you, Professor.

Membrane: Son wait-

***

Dib: Gaz, I just found out we're clones of dad!

Gaz (pretend shock face): Whatever.

Dib: How can you stay so calm?

Gaz: You and I both knew dad kept secrets, you should be asking yourself why you're so surprised.

Dib: Forget it, I'm done with you too Gaz!

(Gaz looks slightly hurt, if only for a moment)

***

Zim: GIR! If we're ever going to receive help from the Dib, we need a way to bribe him!

GIR: Why don't we just give him a giant taco-burrito filled with bubble gum, waffles, and ice cream!

Zim: Gir, only you would eat that.

GIR: Oh yeah you're true, Imma eatin it right now!

Zim: Shut up GIR you're not helping! Computer IDEAS!

Computer: Just give him back some old stuff you stole from him.

Zim: I don't know if that will work but I'll listen to you, once!

Computer: I'm actually being listened to, once!

Zim: Quiet now as I gather his things....

(He puts them all in a box when someone rings the door bell)

GIR: PIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAA

Dib: I'll help you.

(Zim drops the box of things)