Just Our Secret - Gruvia

Avoidance may be the only cure for my despair

My heart pounded with heat every time I just saw the slightest inch of him. From across the hallway he'd be there, smiling, unaware of any agony, chatting with his friends. I barely had the courage to go on campus that day. The exact moment he'd lock eyes with me, I'd give a little nod and immediately turn the other way. My ears catching the sound of him calling my name made it so much worse. I'd bite my lip in hesitation to actually engage in a small conversation with him. I can't bear it anymore, I've got this incredibly uncomfortable weight on my chest and he's got no worry on his mind, at least I hope so.

I can't just bring it upon him so suddenly. His reaction is unpredictable. I'd sit in class, my teeth chattering as the only thing my mind could concentrate on was back to last night. I didn't even sleep, and the options remained undecided for me so I chose not to let myself live on caffeine. I most likely had puke dripping from my lips when I decided to throw up my organs in my third class of the day.

Final class, I was patiently waiting in the bathroom for 15:00. I glared at my poor state in the mirror. Dark bags hanging from my deep blue eyes, showing the lack of sleep I had gotten. My eyes red from all the crying I had done in the past hour. My ocean hair merely brushed, bangs frizzy and I tried my absolute best to hide my eyes. Now I had to face him. We shared this class, we sat next to each other. We'd spend most of it ignoring the Professor and in a world of our own.

Okay... it's three. I calmly release an exasperated breath, pick up my bag and go to face my demons.

_ _ _

I went home. I dodged it. I couldn't face him, I need more time. He wasn't the only person I avoided that day, I may have also ditched Lucy when we planned to eat lunch together. Lucy has stuck by me my whole Uni life, she's the complete opposite of judgemental and would support my choice no matter what. So why do I feel the need to flake out on her too?

I drop my bag as soon as I open the door to my shared apartment. I slam it shut behind me, only to find myself on the floor next to my bag the next. This time I was out of tears, all I felt was emptiness. I hadn't eaten anything all day, nor drank. I hooked my arms around my legs, which were clothed in some comfy leggings. My hands not showing as the sleeves from my cousin's hoodie were too big for me. My chin rested in between my knees as I replayed yesterday night, and the night six weeks ago. We'd been more distanced ever since, I knew he wanted to stay friends after that night but I just felt too weird about it. I hated not being friends with him, I needed someone to rant and rave to yet we made a pact it was just between us, he wouldn't tell his best friend and I wouldn't tell mine.

I spent over the duration of the class on the floor. It's been over hour. After my draining sighs and whimpers, my phone pings. A little part of me is begging it's him, asking how I'm doing and if I'm alright. However I may have gotten a message along those lines, instead it was from a fellow blondie.

'Juv, where've you been all day? You've been avoiding everyone and even Gray told me you didn't show up to your psychology class. Everything okay?'

Just reading his name made me remember how badly I messed up. I could already picture a revolted expression once I told him the truth.

My back was beginning to get sore, so I just about managed to stand up. My headache was beginning to get to me and the best thing to do while in this situation was keep myself hydrated. I pick up my bag and throw it down to the velvet couch, and as I was about to head into the kitchen to get some water I hear a knock at the door. On the counter I spotted a key set so my roommate must've accidentally left them there and needed letting in.

I turn the knob, open the door widely to be eagerly greeted seeming as she's such a chipper person, and suddenly my legs start trembling. Every bone in my body following. I had no idea what to say. I tried to talk yet as I opened my mouth so sound came out.