Chase your fate

Chapter 1

It's funny, in a sad kind of way, that your entire life can change on an ordinary kind of day. The kind of day that starts like any other, nothing spectacular, or even interesting at all. Just a regular Friday morning like any other.

Chase woke up, still half dead from another sleepless night, shaking the last remnants of his nightmare from his half-opened eyes. He ran his hands through the sweaty bit of short black hair as the blankets were kicked to the floor. "God... one day, maybe I'll actually rest when I sleep". He slips his legs from the bed, making his way to the bathroom for his morning routine.

He ran the cool water in the sink, getting his hands wet and running them through his short black hair, manipulating it into a respectable appearance, looking in the mirror to take stock of his appearance.

He was short, for a guy, standing 5'6" and a still a little heavier than he'd like to be even after the last year's work spent trying to get into shape. He was satisfied that, while he didn't have the rock hard 6 pack, he was finally in reasonably decent shape, not solid muscle, but still a strong guy with broad shoulders and a strong back. His almost black hair cut short, and the goatee that he'd spent the last year growing finally filling out, along with the 3 day stubble on his jawline trying to cover up his scars. His scars..... that's another story for a different day. The worst ones were the half moon scar over his left eyebrow, and the scar over his top lip that was mostly covered when he grew out his facial hair.

Coming back into his room, he sifts through the plastic cubbies that he uses as a dresser till he finds his favorite shirt. Throwing it on with one of the 2 pairs of jeans that he owns, thrift store finds, and his work boots. Before leaving his room, he slips the handwritten note he had written the night before into his pillowcase. He makes his way through the dark house, avoiding the tiny assassin know as Dixon, the family cat, who always tries to run a figure 8 pattern between his legs as he walks through the darkness of the morning. "Stupid cat... one of these days... one of us is going to die" he says to the idiot rubbing against his ankles as he makes his morning cup of coffee.

His dad had already left for work after beating on the bedroom door in warning to not be late. His mom was still in bed, since she didn't have to be to work til later in the day. He poured his coffee, putting in a little milk and chocolate protein powder that made up his breakfast, then quietly made his way to his mother's room, gently knocking on the door. "Momma..." her still sleepy head turned his way "h..hey Chase... you getting ready to leave for school?" He walked over to her bedside, leaning down, softly kissing her head. "Yeah momma, just wanted to let you know, I may be late tonight... Fred asked me to swing by and work a few hours after school" she sighed with her still not quite awake voice "Ok baby... be careful... and call me if he's going to keep you past

dinnertime.. ok?"

He grinned, knowing that she worried about him way more than he'd like, but also knowing that he'd givin her good reason to worry. "Alright momma... I will". With that, he kissed her head one last time, closing the door, grabbing his coffee and making his way out to his beat up jeep wrangler. He started it up and made the drive to the school parking lot, taking his place in the back of the lot.

He looks at the building in disgust, finishing off the coffee, then shaking his head. So many memories came from this place, and hardly any of them worth remembering. From the girls that had broken his heart, to the boys that had broken his skin. Why couldn't he just disappear? Why did he have to keep coming back to this place where all of his demons were born and raised? He grabs his bag that holds last nights forgotten homework and the protein bars that he uses as lunch, stepping down from the jeep and heading into the school.

All he could think was to keep his head down, and hope that no one noticed him. He made his way to his locker, switching out the things in his backpack, gathering the things he'd need for his first few classes then started his way down the hallway. It seemed like anywhere he looked, he saw a reason to want to go home. To his left, he passed Pam, the girl that tore his heart out when he found out that she was only dating him to get close to his cousin. Off to his right, he saw Chris and Walt, 2 of the reasons that his face was scarred. On and on as he walked through the hallway, countless arguments and fistfights were brought back to his mind. Maybe one day.... it will all just stop. Who knows? A boy can dream... right?

Chase trudged through the day, finally making it to the end, leaving the school parking lot and heading out of town with the radio up. He had told his mother that he had work, but the truth of the matter was, he was just trying to work out the demons in his head. He had finally had as much as he could take. The constant fighting, always feeling like he wasn't good enough. Knowing that no matter what he ever accomplished, it would never make him acceptable. Never wanted. Never someone that anyone would want in their life. As he drives, he lets his mind go to the note that he left in his pillowcase for his mother, in case he didn't make it home tonight. The note read...

"Dear momma,

I love you.

Love

Chase"

He knew that it wasn't enough, that he should keep fighting, keep trying. But all he could think was to take the jeep as fast as it would go and cut the wheel and let it roll. That had been his plan. That way, no one would know it was suicide. They would just think that he'd lost control. But he couldn't convince himself to do it, so he just kept driving down the country road till darkness started to fall. He dropped the jeep into 4 wheel drive, pulling off the road in an open field, letting the mud fly around as he spun donuts in the dirt, finally coming to a stop. He pulled out his phone, calling home, getting the answering machine. He left a simple message. "hey mom, gonna be here till late tonight, don't wait up. i love you" he sighed as he hung up the phone, hopping out of the jeep, and walking through the wooded area at the end of the field.

He walked around through the trees, letting his mind wander, going over all the different thoughts, looking for any reason other than his mother's love to not give up. To not go through with it, but finding nothing. He made his way back to the jeep, sitting in the driver's seat as darkness had completely fallen and the only light came from the moon, stars and occasional headlights of the cars passing by on the dark country road. And that is when it hit him. He got out of the jeep, walking across the open field to the street, looking for signs of passing cars but finding none. He walked to the middle of the street, sitting cross legged in the middle of the road.

It was dark now, after 10 pm, sitting in the middle of a dark country road. He couldn't see far into the darkness around him with no streetlights or houses anywhere close to illuminate the street. Chase looked around, then up to the sky, and he whispered. "hey... i don't know... i don't know if anyone is there to listen... or if anyone can hear me.. or.. if i'm just an idiot, talking to myself... but... I'll make you a deal... if life .... is worth living... I'll wake up... and not be dead... if that happens... I'll know that life is worth the fight... no more cutting myself.. no more ... no more giving up... and if i wake up dead... I'll know i didn't belong here anyway"

With that, Chase layed across the street, put his hands behind his head, closed his eyes, and after awhile, his mind finally let him drift off the sleep.