Chase your fate

Chapter 9

Chase walked into the house, seeing his mom at the computer going through the bills.  "Hey momma, I'm home, got some homework to knock out real quick.  Do you need anything?"  She turned from the computer, giving him the same sideways grin that he flashes from time to time. "A million dollars... a slimmer waistline... and a kiss from my baby boy.".  He laughs, walking over, leaning down to kiss her head.  "I can give you the kiss... you don't need a slimmer waistline cuz you're still my hot momma... but you're on your own with the million dollars.".  She smiles up at him, pushing him a little after the hot momma comment.  "Oh... shut up and go do your homework.".  "Alright momma, I'll be in my room if you need me." he said as he walked through the house, dropping his stuff on the bed, pulling out his things.

The rule of the house was homework had to be done before anything else, so he always tackled it as soon as he got home.  He went through the different assignments, always tackling the most difficult ones first to get them out of the way, that way by the time his brain was fried, he didn't have to think too hard to finish the easier ones.  After the grueling algebra assignment, his mind was already starting to fade, so he took a break for a minute, pulling out his phone, checking for messages, finding only a couple from Kiira checking to see if he was ok.  He sent a quick response so she knew not to worry.

He pulled out his composition book last.  He always saved that for the end.  He preferred writing when his mind was to tired to think anyway.  He felt like his most honest writing was the work he did quickly, without overthinking things.  The assignment was a simple one.  Just write something that you wished you could say if you had the chance.  He closed his eyes, putting the pencil's eraser to his lips, breathing softly for a moment to gather his thoughts, then wrote.

I WONDER

I wonder if you ever think of me

the way that I think of you.

I wonder if you ever steal glances my way

when I'm not looking.

I wonder if your heart beats faster

or if your breath gets tight

the way that mine does when your around

I wonder what you would say

if I told you that you're beautiful

Would you laugh at me?

Would you turn and run away?

I wonder what you think about me

or if you think about me at all.

I wonder what you would say

if you knew how I felt.

I wonder what your arms feel like

and the taste of your lips.

I wonder what it would be like

to hear you say 'I love you'

I wonder if you would care

if i had the nerve to tell you.

I wonder all these things

because I'm afraid to find out the truth

If only I could find my voice

and tell you how perfect you are

then maybe I could stop wondering

and start living

in a world filled with wonder

by Chase Lawrence Daniels

He signed it, then put it away with the rest of his assignments all finished.  He'd heard his dad come in from work with the familiar call to his mother.  "Bella Rose, I'm home sweetheart.".   Chase came out of his room to start getting the table ready for dinner.  He watched his parents as they went through the last few bills, trying to find a way for the money to outlast the month.  There were many things about his father that he couldn't stand, but his one redeeming quality was that he loved mom beyond measure.  For all of his faults and failures as a father to Chase, he was an amazing husband.  When he looked at his wife, you could see the love in his eyes.  Completely devoted, faithful, and caring.  Chase watched in silence at the playful way they still acted with each other.  One day.. he hoped to find that kind of love. 

The night came to an end with Chase laying in the dark room with an unending barrage of thoughts running through his mind.  Each time his mind began to settle, it would start running away again.  He couldn't get her voice out of his head.  She had spoken to him twice today.  And it was his new favorite song.  He had to find a way to get past his fear.  Had to find a way to break free from the prison of his mind, at least enough to hear her again.  And around 1am, lying there in bed, just before he drifted off, he finally came up with a plan.  Yes, it was a stupid, childish, cowardly plan, but, for now, it was the only plan that he had.