Sprite - Monster || A BTS Crackfic

*snorts pixie dust*

a/n - This chapter has a butt tonne of  vine references so if yah don't know any vines, please educate thy self with the internets holy Bible.

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Sprite Monster ran away from the Big Hit building as fast as it could, Naruto style.

"WHY ARE YOU RUNNING, WHY ARE YOU RUNNING" Tae yelled while running after Sprite Mon.

The maknaes ran after the destructive two headed reptile but only Jungkook was able to keep up with that stupid thing. Bless that boys athletic butt.

Sprite Monster stormed into a supermarket.

It screamed "I LOVE YOU BITCH, I AIN'T NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YO, BITCH!"

It tossed half the Sprite bottles into its mouth. Damn, it must really must have stomach acids stronger than a vultures in order to digest all those plastic bottles.

It poured the other half onto itself.

"i smell like sprite...
i smell like sprite...
i smell like sprite...
i smell like sprite...
i smell like sprite...
I SMELL LIKE SPRIIIIIIIIIITE!!!" It screached while dabbing like a maniac.

Jungkook came running into the store and oh god, he was SHOOK. "Oh mai gawd, he on x games mode!!! "

"Hello sir, are you the owner of this reptilian monstrosity?" A store employee asked jk. He nodded.

"Okay, sir, we need you to calm it down and take it outside of the store and pay for all the damage caused." Uh oh...

So to calm down Sprite mon, Jungkook tried something he had learnt while undergoing training. Hypnotizing someone while singing a song. Dynamite is THE  perfect song! Always gets the fans going crazy!

"Cup of milk, le-"

"SPRITE MONSTER KILL MILK, MILK BAD, MILK NO VEGAN, MILK KILL SHOOKY!!! FUCK OSTEOPOROSIS, CALCIUM IS WACK, LACTOSE IS FOR THE WEAK, MILK BAD CUS MILK AIN'T SPRITE!!!" Sprite monster screamed.

Regardless, jk continued

"Jump up to the top, LeBron"

"LeBron James?" Oh hell no, how could jk even sing about LeBron James when that man stole sprite mon's sprite ad?

Sprite mon was mad. He decided to punch jk's face.

But jk ain't dumb. He got reflexes. He did the most logical thing anyone would've done in such a situation.

He summoned John Cena.

"JOHN CENA!!! *NOSE FLUTE NOISE*"

A human figure descended from the clouds, a golden aura surrounding him. The human, was the one and only, John Cena!

He made a glamourous entrance and sang The Time Is Now. Huh, funny how we can see him when he said "you can't see me".

Sprite mon fell in love the second it laid it's eyes on this holy human being! But, all of a sudden, LeBron James jumped out of John!!!
What the heck? What the fuck is he doing here? Doesn't John hate him? Didn't John once say something like he was gonna dribble LeBron's face as if he were a basketball? And rip his spine off his back?

Wait, how did Jungkook summon both of them? Darn it, Jeon Fricking Jungkook must've thought BangMan Hit's pixie dust was some crack and accidentally got some magical powers after snorting it!

"SPRITE MONSTER, I COMMAND YOU TO CALM DOWN!" Said John.

Sprite mon obeyed. What a good boy! John pet it's head.

"Why LeBron come too?" Sprite mon asked with tears in it's eyes because, oh! To see that ad stealer right there infront of its eyes was too much to handle.

"I HAVE COME TO MEET THE MIN YOONGI, WHERE CAN I FIND HIM, I WANT TO CHALLENGE HIM TO A BASKETBALL GAME, HA, HE THINKS HE'S THE BEST, HUH? ACTING ALL COOL IN THE DYNAMITE MV AT THE BASKETBALL COURT? HE HASN'T MET ME YET, BITCH! " LeBron yelled.

'You know, that's actually great' Jungkook thought. Yoongi had stolen a carton of banana milk from Jungkook's stash earlier that week and even though he could easily replace it because he was inside of a grocery store, he wanted to be petty. Bringing LeBron to yoongi so that he could witness yoongi's defeat would be some great revenge!

"Ah, yes, LeBron, I'll take you to Yoongi!" Jk said enthusiastically.

"Ah, Jeon Jungkook, nice to meet you sir, appreciate you singing about me!"

"KOOKIE SPEAK TO LEBRON THE AD STEALER? SPRITE MONSTER NO TALK TO BAD KOOKIE! " sprite mon screamed.

"It's alright sprite mon honey, lets distance ourselves from that traitor, okay? " John said to calm sprite mon down but failed to do so. Sprite mon punched kook right in the face!

Oh man, was Jungkook pissed. But if he tried to solve this with violence, he would definitely lose... I mean, a big ass dragon and a WWE wrestler could easily toss his ass right off the planet. So he improvised.

He walked to the Taco Bell which was right next to the grocery store.

He grabbed a cup and stood at the soda fountain AND MIXED ALL THE DIFFERENT SODA'S ALL INTO ONE CUP AND SCREAMED "FUCK YOU"

THE AUDACITY, THE NERVE, THE DISRESPECT, HOW COULD HE?

Oh boi, Sprite mon was pissed.

And all of a sudden, LeBron decided to ditch the fact that he was a brand ambassador for sprite and screamed " YAH KNOW HOW THEY PUT COLA INTO A TOILET TO CLEAN IT? I DO THAT WITH SPRITE, HAHA! "

Sprite mon was mad. Really mad. And so was John. If sprite mon was mad, then so was John... And then, all hell broke loose.

Sprite mon suddenly grew wings. It sang "SPREAD, SPREAD, SPREAD MY WINGS, LALALALA LA LA, LALALALA LA LA " while stomping on jk's hands and farting into his face.

John turned on his WWE mode and beat up LeBron with lemons. He always wanted to do that! He was happy now! Another thing to scratch off his bucket list!

Finally, Team Sprite finished beating them up. Team Sprite won! They won the Battle of the Soda's!

And to celebrate their victory, they  decided to go on a date!

How cute, UWU!

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Meanwhile, Jeon Jungkook and LeBron James lay on the ground in a pool of fresh sprite. The liquid stung them, but they had to get up and pay the store for all the inconveniences caused by sprite mon.

They then left to go back to the BigHit building to tell everyone what had just happened. Jk felt hopeless but little did he know that the rest of the bangtan boys had already had a plan!

~✶~

a/n : i had a completely different idea for this chapter but then, Dynamite dropped and i just needed to include it in this!