Ruination

Chapter 9: "Six years is a long time"

KALI POV:

Walking down the torn down streets or Polis felt surreal. In a way, everything was a lot different to how I remembered it, but it was also the same. Many of my memories were within the city, I remembered coming here when I was young with Lincoln by my side. We learned how to be warriors, we learnt how to fight, and we learnt what it meant to be Trikru. That was a lifetime ago. And as I walked through the newly made streets of Polis, I knew nothing would be the same, no matter how much any of us desired it to be.

I came to a halt in front of one of the few standing buildings, I reached up, my bare and callous hands pushing the cloth doorway open. I stepped inside, my dark eyes landing on Ensis who was laying down on some blankets, his skin was pasty and sweat cascaded down his sickly skin. Ensis had been sick for a long time now, I was just surprised he'd lasted this long. I let go of the cloth and walked closer to him, my eyes drifting to the gaping wound and pitch-black blood pouring out of it.

"Ensis," I breathed out, his teeth clenched together as he pushed himself up, trying to ignore the searing pain burning and twisting. He forced a slight smile as he reached for his shirt, tugging it on and slowly standing, looking down at me with those cool blue eyes that saw more good than it should have. "You're still sick," I folded my bare arms, shyly looking up at him.

"Yeah, not much has changed in that department." Ensis muttered under his breath. "What are you doing here?" he asked, rubbing his red rimmed eyes.

"To thank you and to warn you that you will have to be careful around Octavia. She's not the girl you remember, I know you can see that." I warned him, I owed him that much. I felt as though I was betraying my people by warning him, but he'd been primed for leadership since he was found by the Flame keepers and maybe he was our closest chance to leading my people out of the darkness. We did what we had to to survive, but I didn't want to live like that anymore. He reached down, his shaky hand taking the canteen in his hand, bringing it to his lips and taking a sip. A short and tense moment of silence consumed us.

"I know what I'm dealing with," Ensis sighed, reaching down and resting his hand on the table to keep him standing as his bloodshot eyes met mine. "I can see how lost she is, but she's not unsavable." His soft voice would have given anyone hope, anyone but me I suppose. I'd never responded well to the promise of a better future. You fight, you kill, you survive. If you were lucky, you'd fall in love and you'd have friends. But none of that mattered under the rule of a vicious dictator.

"You seriously believe that?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as his lips twitched into a small smile, looking down at the table.

"You don't?" he asked, glancing up at me. He paused for a moment, wetting his chapped lips. "How far gone were you when Lincoln tried to bring you back from the darkness?" my teeth grit together as my dark eyes narrowed up at him. He had no right to bring up Lincoln's name, to bring him up. Lincoln was my brother in every way but blood. "You once believed killing was the solution, do you still believe that?" he asked me.

"Sometimes it is." I reluctantly answered. I saw what Octavia did and I hated it. I looked back on what I'd done as well, and I hated myself. But sometimes death was the only solution to a problem, I wanted to believe I had changed but how much could I have really changed in a world like ours.

"I remember the last time we'd met you were trying to be better; you were trying to change. You were a leader and you wanted to be what Lincoln believed you could be." His voice rung clear in my head, causing the flashes of who I used to be twist my insides.

"Six years is a long time." I softly pointed out. "I'm not a leader, I'm a mother and a warrior. And even though I shouldn't be here right now, I can't in good conscience let you walk around without warning you Octavia is out for any natblida she sees." I warned him, my eyebrows furrowing slightly as I saw the pensive look donned on his face. He understood we were not good people and maybe once six years ago I thought I could be better. Now, I just wanted the fighting to end.