of what could have beens and what ifs

things i should tell you

{pretty much you could say a continuation of "one thing i wish i can tell you" in eydee ficlets}

I'm afraid... I never expected this is how it's gonna be.

I thought I'll be fine in settling to be just like this, be friends with you, loving you in silence, but I was wrong.

Pucha, I never really believed on what they said na pag mas tinatago, mas nag-g-grow daw ang feelings, I guess that's not true unless it actually happens to you.

I've written poems and letters about you, and this is one of those.

How... how do I tell you I love you?

How do I tell you how happy you always make me? How do I tell you how sad you also make me?

Paano ko sasabihin sa 'yo na hirap na hirap na ako to just keep it all in, paano ko sasabihin na sa bawat tingin ko sayo, lagi na lang akong hinahatak nito palalim pa na parang wala nang dulo?

And how do I tell you I have never felt so jealous not until I fell in love with you?

Alam mo minsan I laugh at myself and how pathetic it feels...

Minsan I wish we didn't get closer, para sana wala ako sa gantong sitwasyon ngayon, wondering if that day will ever come, na baka mahal mo rin ako. But then, I take it back quickly.

Cause as how it hurts about the possibilty na you don't feel the same way, I couldn't count out the fact na you're also the one who makes me this happy...

Ganon talaga no? The person who makes you very sad is also the person who can make you very happy, balanced lang.

But... But can you be honest?

All those holding hands, kisses, and intimacy, does it mean the same way to you like how they mean to me or... not?

Did I get the wrong signals? Did I get my hopes high?

Kasi sa totoo lang, even your actions say otherwise, I'd still want to believe you only see me as a friend, so it will not hurt too much just in case even after all the things we've done together, baka kaibigan lang pa rin ang tingin mo sa'kin.

I'm sure my friends had enough of my rants about you. At sigurado akong pagod na rin silang sabihin na umamin na ako sayo. They kept on telling me you feel the same way.

But I just can't let myself believe it. Or I choose not to.

Alam mo, there were times I thought of you being happy but I'm not the reason and I gotta be honest, that stings...then I realized, in love, people tend to get selfish, to own the one they love, they forget that part of loving someone is letting them do their own thing, grow in their own way... Gladly, I came to the point where if I see you happy, kasali man ako sa rason o hindi, masaya na rin ako, kasi masaya ka.

Ang dami ko na namang sinabi. Sana masabi ko rin 'tong mga 'to sayo sa personal.

If the day comes I already have enough courage to tell you what I feel, please know that whatever your answer would be, maiintindihan ko.

Mahal kita. Tama nga siguro sila, magiging matagal bago kita makalimutan.

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