Thantophobia | Adam Banks (4)

I'll always be here

As the two-letter word left Adams mouth, Lexi felt every small remaining bit of happiness leave her body.

He hadn't loved her, deep down she knew it, and she didn't blame him. She was hard, she simply just wasn't worth it.

The girl didn't know what to say as she looked at the boy, she had to say something, she couldn't just leave it like this, she wasn't about to let him push her around and then go. But alas her mind was in overdrive, she couldn't think of anything.

She felt tears brim her eyes as she responded with a simple "oh"

The girl looked away, hoping the boy would leave, but he didn't, he lingered. Hovering over her, waiting for her to speak.

What Lexi didn't know was that Adam was barely hanging on, he had to end the conversation soon, or he'd breakdown.

The girl cleared her throat, Adam knew what was coming, she was about to spill her feelings, she was about to pour her heart out to him and he wasn't allowed to say a thing.

"I just wish I could've known what I did wrong, you literally just left, and now I'm a shell of the person I once was. The hardest thing about realising you don't love me is that you spent so much time pretending that you did. You let me fall in love with you, you let me give everything to you, and you didn't even care about me, I was just convenient for you . The sad thing for me is I still love you, and I always will, pathetic me right" the girl spoke, laughing pitifully at the end.

"You know you really love someone when you still can't hate them even though they broke your heart, you know, you don't know how much you hurt me with the fact I was never good enough for you, It's okay though, I've learnt my lesson. I will never let someone so close again. Never" the girl spoke softly, standing up and sending the boy a heartbroken final look.

Adam didn't know what to say, he had to keep the facade up, no matter how much he just wanted to hug the girl, Lexi stayed standing waiting for him to say something, waiting for him to apologise.

But alas, Adam Banks was silent. 

"After everything you've got nothing say? You're happy to just end it like this? Say something Adam" the girl pleaded.

Lexi felt anger coarse through her the boy remained quiet. She rushed at him pushing him harshly in the chest, he stumbled slightly but remained upright, "say something. Tell me what I did wrong" she spat, continuously attempting to shove him. "Tell me, what I did! Why wasn't I enough, why don't you love me".

Adam stood, taking the hits she was giving him, they hurt but nothing hurt more than what she was saying or what he was being forced to do. Lexi realised he wasn't fighting back and let out a shaky sigh.

The girl took a step back "Please gorgeous, don't do this to me" she spoke, her tone showing her desperation as she once again slid to the floor.

"It's Adam" the boy spoke, that was the only thing he had managed to mutter during the whole conversation.

Lexi let out a sad laugh, she waited for him to say more, she waited for him to explain. But he didn't. "I should hate you for all that you've done to me. I wouldn't wish the pain you have caused me on anybody. You go around living your life as if you've done nothing wrong but the truth is you're selfish. All you ever cared about were your wants, your feelings, your needs. I was just a pawn in your game of lies. And even though I know ill never get the apology from you that I deserve , I forgive you. Because I owe it to myself to heal, I owe it to myself to move on" 

Adam felt guilt but sadness, he couldn't explain that his actions weren't selfish he was doing it for her. He loved her, he needed her. The boy just stood, pushing the tears back and forcing his face to remain cold.