going seventeen | seventeen

Chapter 23: Hug

this chapter is in third person narration

soonyoung feels like a trainwreck. the guilt of doing things behind minseul's back and somehow coming to terms with his feelings towards his friend lays heavily not just on his chest, but in his mind. it was like gasoline in his system, set on fire by the hasty decision of taking a break from his relationship.

he kissed jihoon and it wasn't even a one time thing. he could say that they were drunk, but what about the time they would have closed the gap if wonwoo didn't interrupt? and the time he asked jihoon for one, and junhui saw? he knew damn well what he was doing and he liked it.

that's the problem: he liked it.

kissing him was only the easy part; acknowledging his feelings is on a whole new level of difficulty. why is he acting this way? he was completely fine before, even with jihoon around. now it seems like he could feel the boy's presence ten times more whenever he's there. they'd stare at each other more often, and soonyoung doesn't know why, but he would keep his gaze anyway because...who doesn't like looking at jihoon?

soonyoung bit his lip as he walked into the bedroom, seeing jihoon on the bed, playing games on his phone. he sighed and took a few steps in before he closed the door.

jihoon only looked at the boy for a split second before looking back down on his screen. it was a quick look, but he noticed the frown on soonyoung's face, almost like a pout.

"oh? you're approaching me?"

"stop the jojo references, jihoon, i came here to talk about something," said soonyoung.

"what are you sulking about? i have zero time for you, you know?"

the older walked with heavy steps and dragged a chair next to the bed to sit down beside jihoon.

"can you continue your game later? this is actually serious."

"i dont believe you," jihoon said, his eyes still glued on the phone. "just say it, i can multitask."

"let's talk normally, please?"

"come on just tell me, there's no pause in this game and i can't lose right now."

soonyoung sighed deeply, wondering why he was doing all of this to himself. "i took some time off with minseul and now we're awkward."

jihoon took this news as a huge surprise. he quickly put his phone down and faced soonyoung, his eyebrows furrowed. "are you fucking serious?" he asked "soonyoung, you're not, right?"

"you said the game did not have a pause button but why does it say 'paused'—"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"

"well." the older pursed his lips for a moment. "i am serious. it wasn't a break up though, it's just some time off. totally temporary."

"temporary, that's good," jihoon mumbled. "but why?"

"because." soonyoung gestured to the boy. jihoon felt his face heat up, blush seared through his cheeks. he pursed his lips and tried his best to hide it by acting as if he was unbothered. (as if that worked)

"m-me!? what do i have to do with that!?"

"i don't know," the older buried his face in his palms and leaned in to rest his head on the bed. he totally looked defeated. "i feel so horrible and guilty. i don't know what to do. i didn't want this to happen but it really feels like having a break is the best thing because my mind is so close to exploding!"