Storm [LAMS demigod AU]

Alex

Trigger warning: death mention, PTSD/flashbacks

A/N: **evil laugh**

"He told me about you." John said. "He told me about your past. He told me about the storm that destroyed your hometown."

Alexander Hamilton felt like he was going to be sick.

He felt as though the world had just been swept out from under him, as thought the ground beneath his feet had simply dissolved, leaving him to plummet into the endless void.

He felt like he was going to be sick.

He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to find the nearest cliff and throw himself off of it. He wanted to find the nearest tree and repeatedly bang his head against it. He wanted to find the nearest liquor store and drink so much he forgot his own name.

But he couldn't do any of that.

Instead, he just stood there staring at John, staring at this Greek demigod in front of him who had just shattered Alex's entire world with a few short sentences.

John looked as horrified as Alex felt. He looked disgusted with himself, as though he couldn't believe that those words had just come out of his mouth.

Alex had never told anyone his secret before. He'd never told anyone in the legion, not even Reyna.

Sure, he'd told people that he was from Nevis and that he didn't have any family, but he'd never gone into depth about his past. Most demigods had some kind of tragic backstory, so they all knew better than to pry.

For years, this secret had belonged to him and him alone. He'd shouldered the burden himself, had kept everything inside of him, locked up in the deepest recesses of his brain, refusing to let anyone in, refusing to let anyone know the truth about his past.

The entire story filled Alex with a sense of shame.

James had died for Alex. James had died because Alex wasn't strong enough to save himself. He'd died because Alex wasn't strong enough to help save the others.

James had died because Alexander Hamilton wasn't good enough.

Alexander Hamilton had been a coward. He should have stayed behind with James to help him get everyone to safety. He should have been helping people evacuate. He should have known how severe the storm was, should have seen the horrible flooding coming. He should have never let James convince him to go off without him. He should have insisted that he stay and help James, should have grabbed onto his brother's leg and refused to let him go, refused to leave him, refused to ever let him out of his sight.

If anyone knew, they would lose all faith in him. Romans were supposed to be strong and courageous, they were supposed to put the good of others above their own feelings. They were supposed to set aside their own childish fears to help the legion.

Alex had been foolish. He'd been frightened by the storm, consumed by his own childish fear. He'd let James convince him that it was okay to go off alone and leave him because he'd wanted to believe that he wouldn't have to endure the storm anymore, that there was a way for him to get away from the storm while still keeping his brother safe.

But looking back, that was impossible. Hoping for it had been foolish.

Alexander Hamilton had been a fool.

James had died because Alex had been a fool.

Alex hadn't been acting like a Roman that day.

He hadn't been acting like a Greek either.