Uglydolls Art, Crack, Memes, Etc.

Ugly Info Part 3: Tag Bios

So, imagine it's the early 2000s, and you just bought an Uglydoll. The Uglydolls line of toys that were sold commercially all came with a small tag with a David Horvath doodle of their character, along with some information about the doll you just bought. This is what you would've read when you looked at those tags:

Wage: Wage is a hard worker, just like you! He works at the local Super Mart and wears his apron to serve his customers best. Does Super Mart know that Wage works there? Nope. But Wage doesn't mind. He likes to put things in bags, especially snacks. Wage is best friends with Babo, but there is always room for one more (you). The two of them can often be found on the sidewalk trying to make friends with fire hydrants, phone booths, and other lonely creatures. Wage hates for anyone to be lonely! What's with that look? Is Wage happy? Sure he is! He smiles on the inside. The next time you go grocery shopping remember to take Wage on your adventures.

Babo: Babo will protect you. Having a bad day? Someone giving you a hard time? Babo's got your back. What Babo lacks in mind power, he makes up for in love. He's everybody's best friend. He will stick with you to the end and when something scary happens, he will send you a nice greeting card from wherever it is he runs away to. A very curious, mischeivious creature, Babo may need some guidance and parenting, so be sure to bring hi with you to as many places as possible. Leaving him at home is fine, but please put all cookies and money on the highest shelf.

Ice-Bat: Ice-Bat comes from an Ice Cave and loves hiding inside Ice Chests. Everything he touches turns to Ice... yet profoundly he warms your heart. Ice-Bat thinks you are cool and he wants to chill with you. He wants to hang out with you... or just hang upside-down, if that's OK with you! Ice-Bat is there for you when you feel like you may be loosing your cool, or feeling like a fool. Don't panic! Don't stress! Grab Ice-Bat and put him to the test.

Target: Target is the oldest of the Uglydolls. You can tell because he has hairs! Old age may bring Uglydolls a few extra arms and whiskers but it also brings wisdom and foresight. Target is often bailing the other Uglydolls out of trouble and getting them into more sophisticated forms of mischief. Happy Birthday Target... look, a 6th leg! Aaaaahhh!

Jeero: Jeero wants to hang out with you. Why? He needs you. Jeero thinks life is so complicated, so he needs you to comfort him. Wage and Babo ask him so many questions, and he isn't sure what makes them think he has any of the answers. Maybe they think his red nose means he's Jeero the wise. Well he's not! What time is it? Jeero has no idea. How do you get from here to there? Don't ask... Jeero doesn't know!

Cinko: Cinko is an Uglydoll of the deep. Keep him away from water though... He is super scared of the stuff! Cinko is a lovely creature (just like you.) but he has a lot on his mind. His greatest worry: What if someday he has a large family and they all order water at the drive-thru! Too often has Cinko gone to Target for advice on this matter and too often has Target asked Cinko for one of his eyes. Those aren't for sharing! Wait... are tears water? Aaahh!

Tray: Tray is the brain of the bunch. Not because she is smart, but because she has three brains... one in each lump, or one per eye, as Babo likes to point out. Tray is also the hungriest of all the Uglydolls, and has a desperate need for Blueberry Pie. Some say her eyes are blue because of her craving for it. Tray often combines her hunger for pie with her brainpower to talk Babo into getting food for her. Unfortunately Babo usually brings back rocks. If you want to make Tray extra happy, sit her next to you on the subway, or in your car. It makes her feel important.

Ox: What kind of name is OX? No, not like the animal... OX as in HUG and KISS! How can he hug you with such short arms? OX uses his ears! He's not a very good listener, but he puts his ears to good use in many other ways! OX is great at magic, and his best trick is turning your stuff into his stuff. His best friend Wedgehead calls that stealing, but OX just wants to borrow things from you for a few hundred years. He promises to put everything back when he's done. What he wants to steal most are kisses, whether they're in the chocolate variety or just plain, and he promises to be your friend if you would lend him a hand, or an ear... or like two dollars!