Impulse [A Harry Styles FanFiction]

Chapter 34- Ever Since New York

POV Auden

It's been a week since I got home from New York. However, I feel like I still just found out about Harry and Taylor.

I've been laying in my bed staring at the ceiling and napping for the most part. Emerson has texted me a bunch asking me to go to the beach or shopping but I don't have the energy.

I haven't been able to eat much. My mom has been trying to give me snacks but every time I go to eat, I feel like I'm going to throw up. I've been living off water and few crackers every day.

We have a flight later today to Malibu to visit my brother Asher. I know it's the right thing to do to go but I have way to many fears about leaving my house.

What if I get recognized and questioned? What if I see Harry or one of the boys? Afterall they are still on tour and traveling. What if I see Taylor? That would be a complete nightmare.

There's a knock from my door and tell my mom to come in.

"I need to leave to go to the airport in an hour. Are you sure you're not coming?" she asks.

Her face looks worried and her eyes are pleading me to go. 

"I'm coming. I want to see Asher." I blurt out.

I surprise myself and my mom when the words leave my mouth. 

"I'm so proud of you. Be downstairs as soon as you can." she says before leaving my room.

I slowly detach myself from my bed and turn on the shower. I stare at my reflection in the mirror.

I look like defeated. Dark circles sit under my eyes, my complexion looks pale, and I'm noticeably thinner. Yikes.

Feeling the warm water does make me feel a bit better. After my shower, I put a little bit of makeup under my eyes to make myself look less ghostly and change into comfy shorts and a t shirt. 

I gather a few clothes and put them into my carry on and head downstairs. My moms waiting for me with Starbucks. Aww.

She really has been the best mom ever this past week. I am getting to spend time with her in Malibu. 

We take a car to the airport and walk through the airport quickly. I put on sunglasses to hide my eyes just incase.

Finally, we board the plane and I make myself comfy in my seat. As I wait for take off, I find myself picking up my phone and scrolling through twitter. I refresh my feed and the first thing to come up is a fan edit of Harry and I.

His band's song Little Things plays in the back as video clips and pictures of the two of us flash across the screen. I glance at the caption that reads, BRING BACK #HAUDEN.

I sigh. No. No we won't be bringing back after the stunt Harry pulled at the VMAs. 

I have tried my best to not think of that night or pay attention to the messages, tweets, and DMs I get asking about our relationship status. But, it's just so hard to escape from it.

It's like everywhere I go I see him or something I do reminds me of him. I feel so sensitive and it's difficult because now I only waver between two emotions.

Brokenness and anger.

I take a nap on the plane and listen to the angriest songs I can find. I know I need to bring myself back to life, but it's going to take more than just a trip to Malibu.

My mom and I step off the plane and we take a car to where Asher is staying. I really haven't spoken to him much about the situation.

He is definitely the more 'protective older brother' type, so telling him about my relationships aren't really our thing. But unfortunately, I think he already has gotten wind of his little sister dating a popstar thanks to the press.

We pull into the driveway of a beautiful beach house. I've always thought about moving to a beach house or the suburbs when I'm older, but then have to remind myself that the lifestyle would be too slow.

My mom and I slowly get out of the car and walk up the steps. Before we can even knock, the door swings open.

Asher stands in the doorway and I'm immediately hit with a sudden wave of emotions. I throw my arms around him and start to quietly cry. For the first time in a long time, I feel safe in strong loving arms.

Without any words exchanged, I follow him in the house and then outside to the back deck that overlooks the beach. We take a seat at the table and chair and I take in the scenery. A light breeze ever so slightly ruffling the tips of the palm trees, waves crashing, and streams of sunlight peaking through the withered clouds.

"Auden, I swear to god I'll break his face. You just say the word and I will have it all taken care of. It hurts me to see you so broken. He's nothing but a stupid boy who took advantage of an innocent girl." Asher sneers.

He completely snaps me out of the relaxing atmosphere I was trying to take in.

"Thanks, but I don't think knocking him out is going to fix me." I sigh.

"It might not fix you, but at least he'll get what he deserves. No one should ever treat a girl like that. Especially if that girl is you."

I don't say anything. I don't know how to answer that. It's the first time I've spoken aloud about the situation ever since New York, but apparently we're diving head first into it.

"Where are your friends? Jay, Blake, and them." I ask instead.

Maybe directing the conversation else where will help distract.

"Surfing. They knew you and mom were coming and let me have the house to myself for a few hours."

I nod and stare at the ocean. Malibu is so pretty. I want to sit out here all night and relax and recreate my own bubble of zen, maybe have a glass of wine with my mom-

"Look Auden, if you don't want me to do anything that's fine, but we can't just not talk like nothing happened. You are clearly not ok and I want to help you in any way I can- that's my job." he snaps.

I know he's just trying to help because he's my brother, but he is not sensitive enough for a conversation like this. His testosterone is way too much for me right now.

 But, something goes off inside me. The words I've been keeping bottled up pour out of me like hot lava.

"What? You want me to talk about what happened? Fine. Do you wanna hear that I'm depressed? That I feel unworthy of love because he went back to his ex while we were together. Do you want to hear that I contemplated taking my own life because so many people are telling me I'm better off dead? Asher, I'm hurt, broken, tired, angry, but what's done is done!" I scream.

I start to cry again. I cover my face with my hands as Asher pulls me close into a hug.

"You can't keep that shit in. I'd rather have you yell it out than torment yourself with those thoughts and emotions when your alone." he whispers.

"I've never dealt with anything like this and now the entire world is looking at my love life like it's some zoo attraction. This isn't some TV show episode, this is my life." I sniffle.

"You've got to figure out some type of coping mechanism. A wreck room, boxing, or I don't know, something that makes you happy. Like... art! C'mon Auden you love painting.

I sigh. He definitely is making sense, but I have no motivation to paint. 

I'm too angry to draw sunsets. I don't say anything so he continues to hold me in a hug until my mom walks outside.

"Is everything ok? I heard yelling." she exclaims.

Asher looks at my mom dead in the eyes and says, "We're starting the road to recovery. I'm gonna need a case a beer, a vodka soda, and whatever liquor is left. We have a long night of therapy ahead of us whether Auden wants it or not."

A/N: How do we feel about Asher James? Stan Asher for clean skin or does he need to calm down?