Kiss or Slap

V

____________________Chapter V

And that was the end of my high school love.

"I guess we were both just lost souls, huh?"

Nilingon ko iyong nangsalita. "Keith."

"Hi," he remarked. Naupo siya sa aking tabi, sa buhanginan at inunat ang mahahabang binti. Ginamit niya ang kanyang kamay bilang suporta sa likod. "My sister died yesterday, too."

"Condolence," agap ko.

"No, it's okay. I have long prepared for this."

Hindi ako sumagot. The sea felt so peaceful, and I was trying hard to rhyme myself with its waves and blithe colors. But I guess the blithe colors can rhyme ever emotion. Dahil sa sobrang ganda nito, kahit ikaw ang pinakamalungkot na tao sa mundo ay magagawa mong mai-pares dito.

"I heard about what happened. Are you okay?"

"You are sad too, Keith. If I am okay, then, I wouldn't have to go here," humaplos ang hangin sa aking mukha. My baby hairs danced on my forehead like the ocean waves.

"Then, we are really lost souls."

Napatingin ako sa kanya. Hinahangin din patalikod ang kanyang buhok kaya nagpapakita ang kanyang noo ngayon. Hindi ako makakita ng pagkakaiba sa aming dalawa sa kasalukuyan. Our sadness came from different reasons, but our emotions match. Our minds were both gloomy...and frustrated.

"Kung ikaw ang nasa katayuan ko, magagalit ka ba kay Mecho?"

He smiled sideways. He doesn't seem bothered about my question.

"Alam mo. Gusto kong tumawa kasi aaminin ko...na matagal ko nang minimithi na maghiwalay kayo ni Mecho. You liked me first, and it was unfair to me...because when I started to like you back, I was a step too late and you've already fallen for Mecho."

"Hindi mo pa rin sinasagot ang tanong ko," ngumuso ako.

"Do I have to? Kapag sinagot ko ba, maghihilom ang mga sugat mo? Honestly, hindi ko rin alam," nilingon niya ako. "Ikaw? Galit ka ba kay Mecho dahil sa ginawa niyang pag-wan sa'yo?"

"Hindi ko maintindihan. I mean, I should be angry at him, right? I know what I am feeling, and I clearly understand that I am hurting. Nakakapagtaka. Bakit parang hindi ako nagagalit?"

"Mahal mo, eh. And you probably chose to understand him, you're aware about his situation, and you cannot deny the reality." Presko niyang sinabi.

"I guess, iyon nga." Tinikom ko ang bibig ko ay piniling huwag na lang dagdagan pa.

Wala na tayong magagawa. Umalis na, eh. The only thing left to do is to fully accept it, and move on.

Dala-dala ko iyong bigat sa puso ko hanggang sa tumungtong ako sa kolehiyo. Some day, I can say, I am feeling alright, but the impact of the relationship that had no closure and did not properly end always haunt me. I cannot seem to feel mad at Mecho about that. Thinking about him, that might have been so hard for him too, sa aming dalawa. Pareho lang kaming nasaktan sa nangyari. Whenever I feel heavy or devastated, naiisip ko rin na ganoon ang nararamdaman niya.

"Suot mo pa rin 'yan?" Tanong ni Jandra. Tinuro niya ang anklet na suot ko at napanguso.

"Yes," I answered and wiggled my foot, pinapakislap ito. "I like how it fits my ankle. 'Saka magaan ang pakiramdam ko kapag suot-suot ko ito."

"Gosh, hindi ka ba nasasaktan? I mean, the man who gav—"

"Iyon nga ang dahilan kung bakit ko ito laging sinusuot," I smiled.