Misunderstood // Billie Eilish

𝚝𝚠𝚘

our backs were turned to each other's as we laid in billie's bed. i knew for a fact that she wasn't asleep, nor was i.

it was only 9pm but she decided to call it a night.

i listened to her steady breathing and started to wonder what she was thinking about. what was keeping billie o'connell awake?

of course, the list of possibilities was long and it was almost impossible to single out one thing. it could've been college or finneas or therapy...

although, we were laying right next to each other, i doubted that i was in her mind. she had bigger problems to worry about, right?

i heard her shuffle, then hesitate briefly before turning on her other side and resting her arm around my waist. she seemed to cling to me, without saying a word.

sometimes i think she thinks i'm going to give up one day and leave her in the dust. that couldn't be farther away from the truth.

if anything, i get scared that she's going to do that with me. at the same time, i know we need each other more than ever and we'd never leave.

even if we tried, we'd probably still find our way back to one another.

her silent act of affection showed me that she still loved me, despite our rocky circumstances.

i turned around in her arms and looked up at her, attempting to observe and individualize her features in the dark.

i could feel her staring at me doing the same, intently scanning my eyes.

one of her hands reached up and she gently touched my cheeks with her fingertips. she treated me like i was prized china; so fragile, i'd break under pressure.

eventually, she committed and fully cupped my face. i felt her lean in close and kiss me, just as softly. she pulled away a little and leaned her forehead against mine, a quiet sigh escaping her lips.

"life is so fucking hard, madi." she whispered.

"i'm here for you, billie. never forget that, okay?"

she nodded.

billie caressed my cheekbones like i had did to her on the floor in therapy, then swiftly lifted her head to connect our lips once again. this time, hungrily.

i kissed her back with the same passion, my hand slipping under her shirt to rub her side.

billie spoke in a breathy, hushed tone, "i love you."

a wave of relief washed over me. i already knew she did, but it was nice to hear. she used to tell me that almost everyday.

then there came to a point where everyday turned into, every week and every month.

but it seemed like the more time that she went without saying it, the more she'd actually mean it.

billie pulled me on top of her, careful not to hurt her bandaged calf.

her palms slowly ran up my figure before she tangled her fingers into my hair and brought my head down to reignite our kiss.

"get the strap." she told me.