Misunderstood // Billie Eilish

𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗

parties.

admittedly, they weren't my favorite thing to attend. more often than not, i had a great time but that doesn't mean i didn't regret it in the morning.

i've been told that i'm a lightweight and that means i usually wake up the next day with a hangover and a severe headache.

my freshman year of college had been rapidly approaching its end and the entire campus liked to celebrate this by throwing the largest party of the year.

after an internal debate with myself (and jorja) i decided i would go.

sometimes i found myself wishing this year had taken a different direction.

a direction that involved less fighting and crying.

i tried to nitpick the positive moments, hoping they'd overpower the bad but they never seemed to.

all i could remember was feeling isolated.

the way billie pushed me away and made me feel like stranger.

a stranger that coincidentally knew her darkest thoughts and deepest fears.

i wanted that feeling to go away. i wanted to forget the past and move on to a better, brighter future.

despite my newfound yearning for her, i was secretly terrified. i didn't want her to hurt me again and i knew if she did, i would never be able to recover.

if i wanted her back, i had no choice but to put myself in a vulnerable position.

which ultimately meant, i needed to find it in my heart to forgive her.

terrorizing billie for her mistake will get us nowhere and as of right now, i can confidently say i wanna go everywhere with her.

"look up," jorja asked, attempting to apply mascara on my eyelashes for me.

"do you think you're ready?" she spoke with an underlying smile.

"for what?" i laughed lightly, curious as to what she was hinting at.

"to see billie again, duh."

"i'm not going to the party to see her, jorja. she's probably not even gonna be there." i mumbled.

"dude c'mon, it's the biggest party of the year, of course she's gonna be there. i know you wanna see her anyway, you're lonely."

i rolled my eyes at her snarky comment and she replied quickly, "you're blushing madelyn, just admit to me you miss her, already."

she groaned when i stayed silent, not wanting to give her the satisfaction even though that woman was on my mind 24/7.

"i also know you wanna take her back, but if you're not ready, take you're time. she's not going anywhere."

jorja took a step back and observed my makeup, ecstatic with the results.

"not to toot my own horn, but i did a great job. if you just so happen to get laid tonight-- boy or girl, you owe me twenty bucks."

i shoved her playfully, "not happening."

"yeah sure," she said sarcastically then began looking for her shoes.

"you ready?"

i walked into the doors of the house party, arms linked with jorja and was immediately greeted with the mild scent of sweat. the place was incredibly overcrowded and everyone here was clearly drunk already, with the exception of a few.

in the mix of the sweat, i could also single out the smell of weed and vodka.

"one drink." jorja reminded me.