Misunderstood // Billie Eilish

𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎

i've noticed that billie only has good days and bad days. there's never really an in between.

the day we went to physical therapy was obviously one of the worser ones.

sometimes those sunshine moments can turn into thunderstorms within seconds.

she'd kiss me on the nose in the morning then mentally abandon me by the time we went to sleep.

she was hard to understand most of the time.

sure, she told me that she was dealing with some shit, but she never explained what exactly was going through her head.

the thought of not knowing, scares the living hell out of me.

what if she's slowly loosing it and thinking about self harming again. for all i know, her subconscious is eating her up inside and there's no way to help.

i glanced over at her from my spot on my desk.

billie laid on my bed in my dorm, mindlessly scrolling through her phone, while i completed homework.

she didn't seem not okay.

maybe i'm overreacting, but i'd rather be safe then sorry.

i closed my laptop and joined her on my bed. she scooted over and let me lay next to her. once my head touched the pillow, she wrapped her arm around my shoulders without a second thought and continued to scroll through her phone.

just from that interaction, i knew today was going to be one of the better days.

i settled in and found comfort in her arms as i watched her screen with her. about half an hour went by and she got a notification.

it was an email.

from one of her professors, reminding her to finish her assignments.

almost immediately, she swiped the notification away and resumed what she was doing before.

i waited a minute before questioning whether she should get started on her homework.

billie shrugged, "dont feel like it."

"i almost dropped of highschool at 16 madi, there's like a ten percent chance i'm gonna even consider to do the homework in college."

"your grades are gonna be shit, billie."

"i'll figure something out and i'll be okay.
don't worry about me."

"what the fuck? do you wanna flunk college or something?"

she put her phone down, sighed then raised her head to stare up at the ceiling

"i don't know, madelyn. i don't have my life figured out like you and it feels like i suffocating sometimes because of it."

"if this college shit works out in the end, that's great. but as of right now, i just need a breath of fresh air."

i thought i was her breath of fresh air.

"maybe that means running away to oregon or some shit with you, i still have no clue." billie smiles widely at the idea.

"...and once we reach there, we'll do whatever the fuck we want. we'll blast music and get drunk and fuck on the rooftop. i couldn't care less if we're broke, as long as we're having fun."

the word "we" nearly made my heart pound. it felt amazing to know that i played a part in her future. even if her 'future' consisted of hopping trains and being homeless.

"i'm getting tired of this shit, madi. i'm stressed..." she mumbled, slowly turning me on my side and sliding her hand under my shirt.

billie reached up and innocently squeezed my breast, fondling the sensitive skin in warm palms.