Gold Whisker: A Fifth Grader's Attempt at Making a Book

Chapter 1

  Never had I had courage until Gold saved my life.  Even if we were from different times, nothing could stop us.  Not Jagged, not Tom, not anyone.  We were unstoppable.

  It all started in my masters' (owners') house, with my brother, Tom, and my sister Jeanette.  It was the day of the thunderstorm, harsh and bright as fireworks.  Jeanette was hiding under the bed from her senses from the weather.

  "Is Jeanette still hiding from us?"  asked Tom.

  "Yes."  I said.

  Tom was my older brother, born a year before me by our birth mother.  Even though we look completely different, Tom black and white, and me, tiger striped brown shorthair. 

  The moment my life changed forever was when I saw how the flash of lightning was illuminating the darkness from the clouds.  It looked like a blue drop of water was transformed into a rip in time, distorting the world in its path.  The sound broke the sound barrier, shaking the house like an earthquake.  Jeanette was then walking into the room, her legs shaking like jelly, her Russian Blue fur on end.

  "Maxine, did the sh-aking s-to-p?"  asked Jeanette.  "That broke the sound barrier for sure!'
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  The next day I explored the outside world with my friend, Cream.  Cream was a cream colored cat with beautiful blue eyes and silky fur.  We were friends for over a year after bumping into each other at the dump where Jagged lived.

"Never go near the dump,"  said Cream.  "Jagged will surely kill you!"

  We were on the field of the dump, when I saw him.  Many trees had fallen during the night, burnt and soft from the rain.

  "I knew there would be a lot of damage!"  Cream exaggerated.  "I had a feeling that this would happen."

"What is that shape?"  I asked.  "It looks like a tail."

  We pulled the shape out of the tree trunk, wet to the bone.  The thing was a cat; a pure brown tabby with a white chest and medium length hair.  The tabby looked like he was dead, his chest not moving.

  "He's still alive, Maxine!"  said Cream in a surprised tone.  "I've felt a pulse!"

  He was still alive!

(Note:  Sit back and enjoy the wild ride that is this story, because we still have seventeen chapters of this craziness to go.  Personally, I don't think the story is absolute garbage at this point, (trust me, you will know why I am saying that in the future), but it is not perfect.

  Without much establishment, we are pushed into the narrative and already our main character has found a cat that may or may not be dead.  If I were writing this now, it would have been a two or three chapter span before the cat would have been found by Maxie and Cream.  That way, I could better establish their characters and motivations to the audience without hurting the pacing.  However, I don't think that this chapter is terrible.  I just think that I could have added a bit more to it than just almost four hundred words of content.

  This is probably the nicest I am going to act towards this story though, as a warning to those reading future chapters.  I have to be constructively critical of what I wrote.  Even if I was ten at the time of writing this, I have to judge the content as an adult to see how well it stands against the test of time.  It is not pleasant, but it is necessary if I wish to continue growing as a writer.)