One House Behind | ✓

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭

Tanner

As I read over all of her texts, I felt the guilt seep deeper into every part of my body. It had settled in my chest and stomach over the first week. And then stayed for the next month.

This is the only way I know how to do things. Once I feel like they've seen too much, got me like no one else had which has only been twice now, I separate myself. I didn't need someone to leave me so I always left them.

I don't have abandonment issues or anything like that but it's just a fear. I've never liked knowing that someone can hold power over me. And it seems like Shelly had gotten that.

Checking my window again, I still hadn't seen her silhouette. With a frown, I decided to go outside tonight. I knew, that despite her text, she would be out soon. She still waited for me.

Whether that was a good or bad thing was what I couldn't figure out yet.

I was already outside before she was. Staying in a dark part of the yard, I watched as she walked to the grass. But she wasn't alone. Her mom was with her.

"Honey, it's going to be okay."

"It's not. What did I do? What's wrong with me? Everyone who has ever come in contact with me has left and I-"

Shelly didn't finish her sentence as she started sobbing. Shame racked my body as I realized what I had done. She needed me, she didn't even need me to talk, just to listen to her.

And I left her.

"It's not you honey. It's just...some boys and men aren't worth our time. You'll bounce back, I'll bounce back."

"We'll all bounce back," Shelly said with a wobble in her voice as she tried to joke.

"Yes, we will."

From what I could faintly make out, Shelly's mom was holding her. Shelly looked like a baby in her mom's arms, curled up to her with her legs pulled into her chest. At least I think that's how they were sitting as her back was to me. I frowned at the entire thing.

Was I the boy she was going to bounce back from? Had I hurt her more than I thought? My eyes shut as my head ached. Why did I mess everything up?

"What do you think he would say if he were here?"

"Oh, he'd probably say I told you so." Her mom laughed lightly.

"And to me?"

Shelly seemed so hopeful that she was getting advice. She sounded ready for it. But she didn't get what she wanted.

"He'd say that his love is all we needed. No guy, nor girl 'cause we won't judge, will ever love us with as much intensity as he does."

"Oh."

"I can't tell you what you want but I will tell you, one day, we'll be fine and what we are going through is a minor setback. We might even have to move."

My back stiffened. She was planning on moving them? I don't know what flew through me other than panic. She couldn't take Shelly away. Shelly probably wouldn't like to move though.

"That sounds nice, a fresh start. I need that." Shelly sniffed.

My heart was racing and even though that was supposed to fill me up with more blood, my body felt dry of it. I wanted to tell her no, she didn't need a fresh start. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be because even though I was standoffish with her, I still needed and wanted her here.

In her backyard. In her house behind mine. But I didn't get the call. I didn't get a say because I had already pushed myself from her life. I also had no say even if I was in her life.

"Do you wanna help me look for places?"

"Are we getting one or two bedrooms? We could always get one and then get two beds, twins, if that isn't going to hurt you so that it's cheaper for us." Shelly suggested.

"That's smart but are you sure? No privacy?"

"It's not like I need it anyway."

"Let's go inside, the mosquitoes are getting my leg, "

"I just want to talk to him."

My heart lurched as I figured she wanted to talk to me. She was good at knowing it was me. I bit my lip as they said good night to each other.

"Hey, I know you're there. Mom always says your watching and although I don't believe all of that, I can feel it sometimes."

I couldn't see her now as the sky got darker. I stepped closer to the fence but her backyard was lightless and so was the moon.

"I don't know what happened between us. One day we talked so much and then the next we couldn't. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I've been so distant and I don't know what to say."

My breathing got rough. I had hurt her but that was never my intention. I wanted to fix things now. I wanted to tell her it wasn't her fault and that I would always be here.

Whether she moved or not because she wasn't Leslie. I hadn't ruined our friendship by trying to be something more. I had only ruined it by throwing it aside momentarily.

"I'm just here to say I miss you. We had a great time and even though I'm moving you'll be there for me. I love you too."

What?

"Good night, Gramps. I'm still sorry about not talking. But I'll be here from now on. I just got sidetracked and nothing will ever sidetrack me ever again. I promise."

And then she was back inside before I realized I had gotten my hopes up. She wasn't talking to me, why would I think that? Of course, she was talking to her grandfather, he was her brightest star.

Sighing, I went back inside myself.