One House Behind | ✓

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐧

Shelly

As soon as the sun set for the night, I rushed outside after my mom fell asleep. I knew she would start questioning my late-night escapades but it was fine. Right now, with Tanner at night, was enough. But when I got there, Tanner wasn't standing on my side.

He was still on his. Automatically, my mind turned sour. Was something wrong? Did he feel like we were rushing? Worst of all, was he sick? I knew he worked and so it scared me to think that maybe he had gotten sick.

I felt like I had been thrown back into the unknown. We had passed uncharted territory together, we were still tracking our own paths, but this was different. He wasn't on my side and I felt something was wrong. But I wouldn't ask, no, not until he told me.

"Shelly?" he whispered.

"Yeah?" I could hear how my voice was on the edge of not being there.

"What's wrong?"

His voice was alert and I heard fast movements. It only made my heart triple its racing as he seemed genuinely concerned.

"Nothing, it's just you aren't over here and I thought something was wrong."

"Oh, no. My parents are in the kitchen so I can't go over yet. But soon, so very soon."

"Oh."

I felt calmer. My heart slowed to double its racing. Nothing was wrong and we would be hugging soon. Nodding, I hugged myself to replicate how I would feel soon. Warm and toasty wrapped in his arms.

"So, how was your day?"

"Tiring, I've been doing something and it's been really...rough," he said.

"Eww, should I ask what?" I joked.

"Not...that," he slowly said, almost as if he was unsure of the topic.

I was awkward with anything on that subject so I didn't want to talk much about it. We were too early in our relationship to think of anything else. And that was fine because we weren't jumping into things. We weren't doing what he did with Leslie and it only made this feel like our relationship was going to work.

"Do you want to know?"

"Only if you want to tell me."

He took a pause. Not understanding what was holding him back, I tried to think of something. Was he going to ask about labels? Our relationship wasn't normal so a mundane name probably wouldn't fit with us. Was he trying to say he wanted more? Did he want that?

If so, I think I'd have to end it now. I'm not ready and he should know that. I didn't want to base our relationship on it either. It just wouldn't work and I had morals.

And even if it hurt, it would be better than him giving up on me and me losing a part of myself that I wasn't ready to lose.

But that wasn't Tanner. That was old, unknown Tanner. This was my Tanner. The Tanner who wrote letters and explained every detail, the one who risked his life to just hold me at night.

"I was thinking of how to keep this a secret and yet be able to be near each other. We'd have to take a test ya know? And that'd lead us to take the vaccine. As I know that I'm clear, I'm still scared. It's been eating at me and I don't want you to feel scared or feel pressured to do it. It's just...too much."

That was much better than I allowed myself to think. I scolded myself for thinking badly of him. I threw away the scolding, it was a defense mechanism and I would just have to get over it.

"Tan, I'd take it if it meant I could be with you while we just travel to each other's houses," I laughed.

"Really?"

"You weren't thinking of going anywhere else right? You said you weren't leaving, you aren't changing that, are you?"

"Never."

I nodded even though he couldn't see. This was good. I'd have to talk to my mom about taking the test and vaccine. Maybe I could convince her that it was a good thing, just to be prepared. No, I would tell her the truth. We weren't based on lies and secrets, our relationship was best when we told each other the truth.

She'd understand why I would want this and hoped she would let me do it. She was iffy about the vaccine because everyone else was. I'd have to prove to her that it wasn't just for selfish reasons but for the greater good of our lives. 

"Are they gone yet?"

"Just cleaning up."

"Okay."

We stayed quiet for a second. The warmth of the air and the cold of the breeze brushed against my face. It was humid but I would stand it for Tanner. I wanted to go inside and I was tired but having Tanner hold me was enough. He always seemed to make me alert too.

"I'm coming over," he whispered.

"I'm ready."

And then he was over and I rushed over to him. His arms quickly wrapped around me and I snuggled further in his chest. Soon we would be able to be together without sneaking around. I wanted to just be with him. But, something we had missed had happened.

If we were taking this test for the other, what if one of us had it? We had spent time with each other and my mom and his family would have gotten it to. I forced the thoughts out, him holding me was all I should have thought about. But at the back of my mind, the horrible and scary thoughts were having fun.