One House Behind | ✓

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐛𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐓𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡

Tanner

I hadn't meant for the words to slip out of my mouth but they did. Shelly was an important part of my life. Had we not met, I would have gone crazy with not talking to anyone. 

"I can't be the only reason. I wouldn't want that pressure."

"Well, of course not, I mean, there's other reasons. My family. I can't always be hurting them with my choices. I know Susie has a hard time talking to Leslie like nothing happened. And I can't scare my parents when I get angry and throw things. I have issues and I need to deal with them. But you made me realize that. I need to be better because you gave me something to lose if not; you."

"Am I that important? I don't feel that way sometimes.

"You are. You're important to me."

"You know, I wish we had this talk earlier. I wish we didn't force ourselves to hide our feelings. I needed you a while bad. I needed the peace you gave me. Even if you're on the opposite side of this fence. Just having you near is enough for me to feel okay again."

I hated not being able to touch her. I wanted to hold her as we talked through our rough time. But I couldn't.

"I really needed you. My father left. He just...walked out." Her voice caught.

"Shelly," I sighed.

"It was hard but I guess I'll have to get over it. It's just...he left like his family meant nothing. Like Mom meant nothing."

"And you?"

"What about me?"

Shelly, the epitome of selflessness. I shook my head as I tsked at her. Had she thought I wouldn't want to hear her sad thoughts? That I wouldn't want to get to know the deepest pit of her psyche as she would get to know mine?

"How do you feel? I want to know how you feel, not how you feel about your mother."

"It's-"

"It's not the same thing. Trust me, how do you feel?"

And then there was a sniffle. My eyes searched and when I found her holding her torso, I felt my heart ache. Why couldn't I touch her already? Why did the universe choose now to make the world have to resist touch?

It was the thing I needed most and Shelly was deprived of it. Words were never enough, touch expressed what you feel. And yet I couldn't in case something bad happened. I couldn't because the world stopped people from sharing their touch, their warmth, their understanding. We were blocked and I hated it with every fiber of my body.

"It's like this neverending pain. My father is gone, not dead of course, but it's all the same. He's gone and he's not here when I'll need him. He just left, a kiss on the forehead was his apology and goodbye.

How could I forgive him? How could I still love him despite that? He's my father, love doesn't just leave, and it sucks because I wish I didn't. It would make being mad at him easier," she sniffled.

"You don't have to worry. Being mad and wanting to hate your father is natural. I don't know the feeling but I know someone who has gone through it."

As bad as it seems, it was what brought me closer to Leslie. Her mother had left but she was angry still. She needed her mom but her mother didn't seem to care. She ran off with some younger dude.

I guess she's a cougar. That makes a bit of sense seeing as Leslie is the opposite, she likes older guys.

"It just feels wrong. What did I do? Why did no one stay?" she cried.

I felt like someone pinched my heart. It hurt too much and it slowly moved around to the rest of my body. Guilt only grew in layers as she sat down and cried.

I wanted to. And I was going to. We were covered anyway and nothing was going to happen. I willed myself to keep that thought as I looked behind me to see the lights all off.

Everyone was asleep. Shelly's inside lights had been off. We could be quick. I looked over her fence and saw the same bars that mine had. It could work.

"Is your mom asleep?" I whispered.

"Huh?"

"Shh! Is your mom asleep?" I whispered again slower.

"Yeah, she was heading to bed when I came out. Why?" she replied back.

"Move over."

"What are you planning?"

"Just move over, I don't want to hurt you."

"Tan."

"Shh! Or this won't work. Hurry."

"I moved," she said a few milliseconds later.

I took one last look back and used the chair to jump over. The fence wobbled as I moved over. And once my feet reached the ground, I pulled Shelly into a hug.

Even though we were separated by layers and the sun was down, I felt warmth spread through my body as she wrapped her hands around my torso and held me back.

******

A/N:

I think one thing the pandemic has taught me is that touching is vital to human life. Without it, we can't thrive in that silent conversation. And I think this was what I was trying to explain to myself with this chapter; I just didn't know it.