Permanent Mark

Chapter 31

"Ben! Are you coming or what?" Han shouts, causing them to remember that they aren't the only two on the planet.

Ben removes his hand from her face. Rey smiles shyly.

"I don't know about this...." Ben says more to himself than Rey.

"I'm right here. I'll be with you." Rey assures him. Ben stares down the corridor, nervously.

Rey nudges him. He doesn't move.

Then, Leia appears at the other end, petite but clearly in charge. Her breath catches at the sight of her only child. He's out of his black grab and wearing his father's clothes. He looks nothing like the second hand man to the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

She doesn't move any closer, only standing there. She takes him in from head to toe, seeming to check him over like a mother does.

"She doesn't move as well as she should," Rey whispers. "the exposure to open space has taken its toll. Maybe you should go to her."

Ben hesitates, unsure if he should. Then Leia's eyes flicker with physical pain and he takes the long strides towards her. He guides her to a crate just a few steps away. She sits and he kneels in front of her, so she doesn't have to crane her neck.

Leia looks to Rey.

"Go tell Han I'm staying in here to speak to Ben."

Rey looks at Ben with apprehension, remembering that she said she'd stay with him. Ben nods at her, a signal that he is fine. She goes to do Leia's bidding.

"Mom, you're hurting?"

Her chin moves up slightly.

"Did you know they would blow it up? When you hesitated, did you know they would do it?"

Ben hangs his head, answering for just one of his mistakes.

"No. I was the superior gunman. They had orders from Snoke. Orders I didn't know about. He knew I wouldn't do it. That I couldn't kill my own mother."

He lifts his tear filled eyes to her.

"I swear, Mama. I didn't know they would."

She nods her head once, looking down at the floor next to him.

"Why are you here?" she asks, no emotions coming from her. She's truly General in this moment. Too many people are counting on her.

"I....I don't know....I had to save Rey. And Dad. And Chewie. He'd....he would've killed them. I couldn't have stopped him. So I ran.....because..... because....."

"He would've killed you for staying after you helped them escape," Leia finishes for him.

Ben nods, his eyes focused on her hands, curled in her lap.

"You do know that, don't you?" Leia pushes at him. "You know he would've killed you? Do you really know that?"

He looks up at her, tears streaming his face.

"Yes, Mama. I know."

She finally begins to drop the general mantle, placing her hands on his face.

"But that's not all of it, is it son? There's more to it. Because you weren't afraid to die."

"How...how did you know that?" he stutters out.

"A mother knows. I felt your pain. The shocks, the burns, the force chokes. I felt it. Every time."

Ben flinches at the realization.