Permanent Mark

Chapter 29

They hear a throat clear behind them. 

"We finally got clear…." Han says. "it was bumpy though. You two alright? Ben?"

Ben lets Rey go quickly, like a teenager caught. Han doesn't react. 

"Dad…."

Han just walks to him and hugs him, patting him on the back. Ben has to stoop over a bit to allow the embrace. Han sniffs and Ben pulls away, in shock. 

His dad is crying. 

Han Solo is crying. 

Not, like, tears flowing but still…

Ben cannot process this….

"Son. Ben. Are you okay? Are you hurt? I mean, have you been hurt? How did you get there? Where have you been?"

Ben doesn't know what to say. He can't talk about it yet. Not right now. If ever. 

"With Snoke, the Supreme Leader. I was his, um, apprentice…. something like that."

Han looks confused, shaking his head. 

"But why? Why, son?"

Ben feels anger towards his dad rising up. How can he not get it?? How can he not see why?? They'd all but turned their backs on him! He had nowhere else to turn! He feels a familiar rage rising up. Then he feels her tense, feels her recoil just a bit. He feels her feel him. Feel his rage. He must gain control. He mustn't do this here. Not now. Not with Rey here. 

Rey seems to take a cue from Ben because she jumps in. 

"Han, how's the Falcon holding up? I thought I felt the thrusters rattle several times too many. I think we should go check them…."

And with that, she manages to gently grab hold of Han's elbow and nudge him from the room. 

Thank you….Ben sent to Rey. 

She turned and glanced over her shoulder, a smile forming at him. 

And with that, Ben slumped to the bed again, his heart rate elevated. 

It wasn't his father that increased it. 

It was her smile. 

"Oh boy……" Ben says out loud to himself, taking a shuddering breath.  

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Ben quickly realizes that he cannot be alone with his thoughts. 

Thoughts of what he's done. 

He's left the First Order. Ran away. 

Thoughts of why is Snoke so quiet right now. Snoke won't give up. He knows this. Snoke will look for him. 

Thoughts of how Snoke will look for him. 

Thoughts of how looking for him could endanger Rey. 

Thoughts of Rey.

That last thought catapults him off the bed and out the door, into the corridors.

The corridors of his childhood. There are various marks, indents and scratches on the walls. He's amazed that he can recall how many of them were inflicted. His fingers trace them. 

There….those marks. He'd done that. With a toy speeder, rolling it all down the wall, his dad not caring one bit. Han never cared about the appearance of the Falcon. It shows, too. Some of the walls are filthy with grime. But then others had been scrubbed. The floors were particularly shiny. Ben thinks how strange that is.