Permanent Mark

Chapter 33

He stomps amongst the trees and bushes. 

It's been years since he was in a forest. 

So much green….

His mind races, confusion running rampant. 

Snoke is there. There, lurking, pacing in his mind. The anger coming from him, it, whatever, is overwhelming. 

Ben is struggling to keep his walls up. It's becoming harder and harder. Snoke will get in while he sleeps. 

So he doesn't want to sleep. 

His parents, they wanted him back. All this time, they did want him back. How could he have thought otherwise??

He's older now. So he understands a bit more about how things work. So he understands why he couldn't take Rey ten years ago. 

But he's still angry that they took her to Luke. His anger at his uncle remains. How cold he was. 

He wants to be here, he does. Life with the First Order was not what he had expected. 

Snoke had turned on him. Not right away. He was a soothing master at first. He gave Ben everything he wanted. Praised him. All the pretty words. Helped him become strong in the Force. Trained him to be a warrior. He introduced him to the Knights of Ren. Told him that was his brothers. Ben had never had brothers. 

But then, he slowly plotted them against one another. Whispered in Ben's ear how he was the favorite, how the others really hated him. That they wanted to best him. 

Eventually they were set against each other, ordered to kill or be killed. What had started as a brotherhood then became the worst rivalry. What began as fourteen knights were then widdled down to seven. 

The worst thing was how the other seven died. After losing the battles, they were tortured to death. It broke Ben. Their screams still haunted his nightmares. 

Still he was forced to fight men he cared for. Knowing if they lost, death would be slow and evil. Knowing if he lost, he'd die screaming. 

So he won. He had to. He was too afraid to lose. 

Ben was elevated to the top of the pack then told his name was now Kylo Ren. He had no say in the matter. If he didn't immediately respond to his new name, he was severely punished. 

Then there were his ties to his past. Snoke had very little trouble convincing him that his parents hated him. 

But Rey….

Ben tried so very hard not to think of the girl. But she was in his dreams. Snoke stalked his dreams. Then, he mocked Ben for his love for the girl. 

Ben still doesn't remember how he forgot Rey. But he'd seen the Knights memories erased so he knows that's how it happened. 

Did he fight it? Did he ask for it? Was it in his sleep? Was he held down and had it forced upon him while he begged to not lose what peace he still had in his mind?

He really doesn't want to know. 

He was miserable there. As time went on, he was sent on missions. He knew what would happen if he failed. 

He pulls up his sleeve to see the scars from the burns. He's no longer nearly attractive. Not that he ever thought he was to begin with. 

Most of these scars came from not killing his own mother. The orders were specific. Destroy the Resistance ship. He had no reason to question who was on board. He hated the Resistance.